Post 2954356 by FarhanYusufzai@bsd.network
(DIR) More posts by FarhanYusufzai@bsd.network
(DIR) Post #2953925 by clacke@libranet.de
2019-01-14T05:47:35Z
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Responses from male-appearing Tweeters were more mixed. Some responded with mansplaining, either explaining sexism to women or asking how women would learn if men didn’t share their knowledge. Many said the diagram was helpful. Others wondered whether this is really a gendered behaviour; a few argued (fairly, I think) that fathers are frequently mum-splained.www.bbc.com/capital/story/2018…twitter.com/kimgoodwin/status/…/via www.inuse.se/blogg/she-created…
(DIR) Post #2954356 by FarhanYusufzai@bsd.network
2019-01-14T05:51:32Z
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@clacke So, if someone says something wrong, and you know its wrong, and you're more qualified...but if you weren't asked to say so, its mansplaining?
(DIR) Post #2954357 by clacke@libranet.de
2019-01-14T06:05:07Z
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The phenomenon at its best, and the particular set of situations that led to coining it, is people (mostly men) explaining to people (mostly women) things that the explainee literally wrote a book on.You're right, the flow chart doesn't explicitly show the case "the person should normally know this, but actually they just said something ignorant and incorrect". But that's because it's less about direct corrections and more about impromptu asides.I do them all the time, especially here on fedi, but I *try* to first imagine whether the receiver is likely to be the kind of person that appreciates that kind of thing or not. Part of the evaluation *is* gendered.
(DIR) Post #2954363 by clacke@libranet.de
2019-01-14T06:10:10Z
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Part of the phenomenon, and the worst examples of when I have failed to avoid it, is right in that box "Do you have more relevant experience?". Some of us proactively preface a statement or question by showing our homework, stackoverflow style, hacker style, to help any potential listener avoid the trap.Some people fail to read even that, but mostly it helps. But expecting the OP to do this is a hacker-coded, geek-coded and male-coded thing to do. One of the very important things for a male geek to learn to recognize is when they're not in a geek-coded space and cannot assume that the lack of the homework preface means the person is ignorant.The next level is to even raise one's sensitivity to the point where one asks if someone wants help before helping, even when it feels like a geek-coded space. This can backfire with some geeks (compare with "is it ok if I share this?" that some people find polite and others find super annoying and ignorant), but generally it probably doesn't harm to ask.Still, I don't ask if I find it likely that the person won't mind. Do correct me if I judged incorrectly.
(DIR) Post #2955193 by eldergoth@sfbubble.net
2019-01-14T06:54:27Z
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@clacke This is one of the reasons why, regardless of gender presentation, I have a habit of leading with "how much do you already know about this?"The other reason is just to avoid wasting time by describing it at the wrong level.
(DIR) Post #2955254 by eldergoth@sfbubble.net
2019-01-14T06:57:01Z
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@clacke In person, at least. Here in the Fediverse, it's more "going by what you just said, this might be useful input" and hoping I didn't totally misjudge.
(DIR) Post #2955345 by clacke@libranet.de
2019-01-14T07:02:00Z
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@eldergoth Yeah, knowing who you're talking with is really important when communicating.It's just so easy to assume that you already know. Asking is a good habit to train.
(DIR) Post #2955346 by eldergoth@sfbubble.net
2019-01-14T07:03:28Z
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@clacke Just a shame I had to learn that by embarrassing myself repeatedly.
(DIR) Post #2957288 by clacke@libranet.de
2019-01-14T08:43:57Z
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@eldergoth That's generally how we learn social skills. 😀