Post 1521631 by mrjunge@niu.moe
(DIR) More posts by mrjunge@niu.moe
(DIR) Post #1518299 by prydt@niu.moe
2018-11-27T01:29:04Z
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i think its kinda funny that im the one saying this, as im awkward and shy irl but i still feel for some reason that meeting someone face to face randomly irl seems much more romantic than meeting someone through a catalogue of pretty faces...
(DIR) Post #1518540 by kai@ajin.la
2018-11-27T01:40:45Z
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@prydt it is
(DIR) Post #1518706 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T01:50:20Z
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@prydt I agree. It's just one part of the reason why I've been avoiding that route. Unfortunately the more ppl use these apps, the more it makes that other kind of occurrence less likely I feel which makes more people end up using the app. Self-fulfilling prophesy I feel.
(DIR) Post #1518763 by prydt@niu.moe
2018-11-27T01:52:46Z
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@mrjunge exactly... im sure ill come off as an old timer or a Luddite, but i can genuinely say that mobile phones have kinda just made bumping into other people that much more uncommon... i certainly feel lonelier for it...
(DIR) Post #1518961 by ihavebigtits@kawen.space
2018-11-27T02:02:29.431820Z
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@prydt dating apps are BIG MID
(DIR) Post #1519008 by pea@fuckonthefirst.date
2018-11-27T02:04:19.214014Z
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@prydt the context you're lacking is how hard it is to meet people once you're out of school who you don't work with
(DIR) Post #1519056 by dax@pleroma.soykaf.com
2018-11-27T02:06:14.751850Z
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@pea @prydt especially if you're not the kind of social creature to go out to bars / game shops / whatever your local gathering places are
(DIR) Post #1519057 by dax@pleroma.soykaf.com
2018-11-27T02:06:44.248551Z
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@pea @prydt you pretty much only see your coworkers and whoever you live with, if anyone
(DIR) Post #1519070 by prydt@niu.moe
2018-11-27T02:07:44Z
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@dax @pea i worry about this all the time... i still have to deal with school but it provides plenty of opportunity for meeting people (most of whom are really annoying), but honestly im not sure what id do once im out of school... i want to avoid something like tinder as much as possible but honestly what other options are there at that point...
(DIR) Post #1519091 by prydt@niu.moe
2018-11-27T02:08:53Z
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@dax @pea also for a straight male like me... i wish there were more females in the programming industry... im sure like 80-90% of my coworkers will be male >.>
(DIR) Post #1519152 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T02:10:50Z
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@prydt There's a vicious cycle insofar as technology can reinforce some already-existing social feedback loops but that doesn't really tell you why an option that was supposed to be helpful for a specific subset of people has become ubiquitous.
(DIR) Post #1519157 by pea@fuckonthefirst.date
2018-11-27T02:11:04.811724Z
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@prydt @dax you don't wanna date your coworkers anyway
(DIR) Post #1519170 by dax@pleroma.soykaf.com
2018-11-27T02:11:41.576348Z
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@prydt @pea being a gay male doesn't help much either with all the straight guys around heresource: am gay male in programming
(DIR) Post #1519194 by dax@pleroma.soykaf.com
2018-11-27T02:11:55.027436Z
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@pea @prydt this too ^^
(DIR) Post #1519195 by prydt@niu.moe
2018-11-27T02:13:36Z
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@dax @pea ngl, i have no idea what im talking about when it comes to stuff like dating :p
(DIR) Post #1519236 by dax@pleroma.soykaf.com
2018-11-27T02:16:19.708140Z
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@prydt @pea no one does, we just try it until it worksor doesn't
(DIR) Post #1519283 by Chuculate@niu.moe
2018-11-27T02:18:16Z
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@prydt I despise those services because I turn the phrase "help people meet" into "take advantage of lonely people".I have my personal set of human processes and interactions that I wish to maintain in a natural state, including creativity and bonds formation. I dislike any kind of technification, method or tampering of those processes.
(DIR) Post #1519298 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T02:19:11Z
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@prydt The long-distance relationship I had when younger happened naturally and spontaneously for example and was on the web. No dating app.
(DIR) Post #1519389 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T02:20:27Z
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@prydt The only silver lining of dating apps is that they take geography into account.. LDRs natural/spontaneous or not can be tough to maintain. Lol
(DIR) Post #1519390 by prydt@niu.moe
2018-11-27T02:23:57Z
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@mrjunge agreed... i just find it odd that things like tinder let people sift through headshots of people and short blurbs about their personality which is really hard to truly gauge with a small profile... also the mere exposure effect never comes into play...
(DIR) Post #1519411 by prydt@niu.moe
2018-11-27T02:24:59Z
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@Chuculate pretty much... i fear that people see this as progress rather that something that is negative...
(DIR) Post #1519468 by Epsiloco@letsalllovela.in
2018-11-27T02:28:09.932750Z
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@prydt @mrjunge Seems to me when you cold approach someone in real life and ask for their number that it's basically the same thing.The only difference that I see is the scale of it.
(DIR) Post #1519497 by prydt@niu.moe
2018-11-27T02:29:43Z
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@Epsiloco @mrjunge well theres that but i feel as tho there is much more of a human element to it rather than literally swiping through faces... maybe i dont rlly see the similarities bc of lack of experience... idk
(DIR) Post #1519863 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T02:32:46Z
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@Epsiloco @prydt Scale makes a difference tho. You're right that initial impressions are what start relationships even without a profile. The problem with summary profiles is that you can fully curate what your impression will be in more deliberate and comprehensive ways, and because of the app is specifically geared toward a certain purpose it can make people compete for ideal partners given the amount of ppl on the platform rather than marinate among random people.
(DIR) Post #1519864 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T02:34:40Z
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@Epsiloco @prydt The scale combined with that leads to lop-sided opportunities for people using the site I think.
(DIR) Post #1519865 by Epsiloco@letsalllovela.in
2018-11-27T02:45:26.039530Z
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@mrjunge @prydt I don't think I understand the point you're trying to make; specifically how the summary profiles lead to people competing for ideal partners. In my view, this would be a natural result due to societal expectations of men and women, and the removal of in-person approach anxiety.
(DIR) Post #1519944 by Epsiloco@letsalllovela.in
2018-11-27T02:50:22.242008Z
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@prydt @mrjunge I mean, it is more human, and I do prefer not using an app as of yet. But way I see it, dating is a numbers game these days when it comes to cold approaching. Unless you get lucky early on, chances are the human element will matter less and less as you progress. I'm not the most experienced guy, but even at my point I'm kind of wondering if I really care about the differences between an in-person approach and using an app. After the first date, there are no real differences.
(DIR) Post #1521628 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T03:41:39Z
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@Epsiloco @prydt The scale means more options. The platform having a specific purpose (finding a partner) makes you think about your relationships instrumental (a means to an outcome--a partner). Combine those two things--there's more opportunity to be even more highly selective since the number of people available on the central platform gives you the perception that your idealized partner can be realistically acquired with enough grit.
(DIR) Post #1521629 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T03:45:45Z
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@Epsiloco @prydt This can result in hyper-competition based on the one thing that can be most easily done compared to literally changing who you are--hardcore impression management. This of course seems to assume that the idealized partner for different people has some degree of homogeneity, but it may be enough to assume that there is some homogeneity of effect at the level of initial impression.
(DIR) Post #1521631 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T03:47:35Z
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@Epsiloco @prydt This is not the same as irl because even if initial impressions matter irl, you can't select yourself out of certain inevitable encounters and intermingling with other people. This means your mental model of a good impression can more easily change as time passes.
(DIR) Post #1521632 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T03:49:35Z
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@Epsiloco @prydt Also *managing* impression is slightly less relevant because there's more about you in meatspace that is outside of your control.
(DIR) Post #1521633 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T03:52:22Z
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@Epsiloco @prydt In addition, you don't have as a starting assumption that your interactions irl are necessarily for a specific outcome, so that means less motive for impression management and that there isn't a sharp divide between interactions established for one purpose v. another.
(DIR) Post #1521634 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T04:04:16Z
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@Epsiloco @prydt BTW I'm not against people having more options. I just think having more options isn't the same as having more opportunities and that the latter can be distributed in relatively disproportionate ways based on fixed culturally-engrained models of what counts as a good impression (models which may still give too many false positives or false negatives). But whether the latter happens also depends on things other than scale. Anyway, bit of a rabbit hole here. lol
(DIR) Post #1521635 by prydt@niu.moe
2018-11-27T04:14:27Z
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@mrjunge @Epsiloco sorry I'm not rlly responding, honestly I feel like I get only half of what you're saying and it's all my fault
(DIR) Post #1521760 by mrjunge@niu.moe
2018-11-27T04:22:10Z
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@prydt @Epsiloco It's just me going off again. No worries. I also imagine I could better explain myself in a more long-form post.
(DIR) Post #1521775 by Epsiloco@letsalllovela.in
2018-11-27T04:23:09.658637Z
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@prydt @mrjunge Nope, I don't think I'm getting the entire point either. Alister, your writing style here is confusing at times, though no doubt the 500 character limit of Niu is likely to blame.But for the parts I do understand, I don't see a lot of these issues play out in practice. For instance, believing that managing your impression is less relevant will bite you in the ass when you get to the first date. People generally learn that impression management, if I understand your definition of this term correctly, will always be relevant.