VELVET DONK

Lyrics

Song 2 (blur)

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Frank Sinatra (Cake)

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Loser (Beck)

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Introductions

Preface

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Archives

Issue 1
Issue 2
Issue 3
Issue 4
Issue 5
Issue 6

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Contributers

Science

Chemical Equivilency List

Smoke Bombs

Tid Bits

The Himilayas

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College Rankings

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Fiction

Athena (Dax)

You see, ten years ago, Cyberchip Corporation, the sole computer chip corporation to emerge from computer chip pricing wars, announced a breakthrough in computer chip technology. This breakthrough is exactly the reason why Cyberchip Corporation was the sole computer chip corporation to emerge from computer chip pricing wars. This breakthrough is also the reason why those who have normal jobs now have the day off. I took the day off, as I often do. Today is Athena Day.

The Athena is a line of computer chips that first utilized the breakthroughs Cyberchip made in computer chips. The chips in the Athena line master the once seemingly unreachable goal of artificial intelligence. Athena chips are much bigger than the chips other companies were making at the time of their introduction for they are structured in a completely different fashion. They are structured like the human brain. I must admit, this is an amazing concept, but its consequences are also amazing.

After those first few press releases ten years ago when the scientists who made Athena brought it to light, everyone in the country was exuberant. Athena was what everybody was talking about, everywhere. Even professional sports took a break from ratings that week. Everyone was watching Athena news and explaining to their friends what they thought Athena was going to do: how it was going to revolutionize everything. I did it too. Athena was cool, and it did revolutionize everything. It did. Just in ways no one expected.

Sure, Athena was first carted straight off to war, finally giving missiles the brains military officials have always wanted them to have. But no one started wars after Athena. War would be much too dangerous. Missiles and tanks could win wars all on their own, and kill everybody in the process. Not a single soldier would be needed. Not only could Athena chips operate the tools of war themselves, they could operate them better. And, even in the off chance Athena chips would make a tactical mistake, they could learn from it. Basically, all dogs of war are out of a business. And that isn’t all.

After war was basically terminated for industrialized nations, the chips were no longer a secret and could be used legally for domestic purposes. First the computer chip companies and soldiers were out of business. Then, almost everybody.

All construction workers and factory workers and computer technicians were out of work in no time. Before, they were used to operate computers; now computers operate computers. Eventually, even management was replaced. Athena chips could understand insides of companies faster and make decisions quicker and work twenty-four hours a day. And they even looked sort-of like and talked just like people. Cyberchip Corporation made them like this so there would be no difficult transitions in replacing real humans with Athena-brained looking humans. In no time, only presidents and CEO’s remained in most corporations.

The only other people working now are the intellectuals, fine artists and athletes. Athena didn’t change them; it couldn’t. They were the only persons, we found out, that truly had irreplaceable skills.

Everybody else was out of a job.

So, you’re probably wondering, did people starve? Did crime rates increase exorbitantly? No, of course not. In truth, the exact opposite occurred. Families and friends became closer then ever. People can now do fundamentally whatever they want. Leisure is now the basis of the majority of person’s lives.

You see, Athena improved agriculture ten-fold, and no human labor or additional land was needed to do so. Moreover, Athena "workers," working twenty-four hours a day, mined resources and produced all the goods that were being produced originally for zero labor and maintenance costs. Consequently, there are surpluses of everything: of food and can openers and washing machines and black Mustangs and silk scarves and roses and caviar and computers and basketballs; everything.

Money’s not really worth anything anymore. There is too much of everything for anything to be worth anything anymore. And since it didn’t cost anything to maintain workers and factories once Athena systems were implemented, they just kept producing stuff, and eventually, everything became free. We all voted that the government should be in charge of distributing the goods people want. And they do a pretty good job. They distribute goods along with the mail. Sometimes it takes time to get things, but eventually they will come. And besides you can just borrow what your neighbor has. Nobody cares or minds. Everyone is close. That isn’t the problem.

Neither is homelessness or war or hunger or crime . . . So what is the problem? Leisure.

Leisure.

People have time. Too much time. People always said they wanted time. Time to be with children. Time to water their plants. Time to read books. Time to cook. Time to get closer with their families and their friends and neighbors. Time to exercise. Time to watch football. Time to write thank-you- notes. Time to make model airplanes. Time to fix up their cars. Time to sit back and drink.

People wanted time for leisure. And now they have it. They have all the time they want.

I am a writer. I enjoy my time like I always have. Nothing changed for me except now my phone never stops ringing.

Poetry

An Instant of Choice (Dax)

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Untitled (Abby)

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Envy (Jon)

Common kin commits treason to the dynasty,
the soul length fades away--
as he gasps for breath,
the potion envelops his body--
as his life evaporates,
the hands of time stand still--
while the world remains in awe.
a homicidal evil clings to worthy:
for those who dwell on lower ground,
desire the pedestal,
the eye of sin allies them.

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Non Fiction

Trust Falls (Abby)

There are always mindless individuals, dropping levels of thought while raising levels of trust, who eagerly throw themselves into the middle of sweaty hands and bony elbows. These people carelessly give their bodies up to the pull of the earth below, and the push of the hands beside. They sacrifice themselves to the whims of those who might be fragile and unsupportive, or worse, indifferent and uncaring. The flyer in them quickly becomes a faller, one who plummets to the ground (a distance of a few short physical feet yet miles of thoughtlessness and a lost sense of trust).

Often, after the fall, these "invincible" individuals, unable to see the distance fallen, simply give themselves up to the group again, placing trust in front of the eyes of people who can’t see, or who choose not to see.

I am a member of the second group of participants. We would rather not participate.

I have never been able to understand the "flyers" ("fallers?"). I enjoy excitement and have an average amount of adrenaline, I guess, but, after one fall, my sense of thrill would die pretty damn soon. My group doesn’t have a boundless supply of trust; in fact, we have very little trust, and we have enough sense to distribute it among those who deserve it.

I have come to believe that the lifestyle of a "faller" can be dangerous-—leaving trust to everyone around you shows naivety and blindness. But, on the other side, people who are afraid to trust are, essentially, afraid to live.

Statistics

Education

Reviews

Music: The Fat of The Land (The Prodigy)

by Jon

Fresh off the heels of their groundbreaking single, "Firestarter", Keith Flint and his unique comrades come back with even more force with, "Breathe", their second single off the lp, if this track doesn't instantly push a button in your body to just move, who knows what will?, also strategically placed second in the set of their ten songs, "Breathe" subliminally, in a way, hooks you and sets the tone for the rest of the album, a mysterious instrumental hook which seems to have about five layers of beats exits and bends in and out through the five whole minutes, true techno artists loop random samples and combine subtle sounds to attain a genuine soundscape, and Prodigy achieves the requirements with "Smack My Bitch Up", a solid track using an Ultramagnetic MCs bit along with Shanin Bada wailing her own native Indian funk, "Diesel Power", surprisingly, an all-around good Hip-Hop track with Kool Keith emerging from the aforementioned U.MCs, reminiscent of the Judgment Night Soundtrack, "Funky Shit", starts off with the incredibly well chosen sample from the Beastie Boys, "Oh My God!!!, pass the funky shit", from that point on, "Funky Shit" takes off never leaving a dull moment to decipher the talent which was necessary to invent such a rapid array of sounds, "Minefields" becomes a shift of moods from the first half of the ten, a suspenseful background loop with various synthesizer echoes rocks through the ceiling, "Naryan" is a whole journey within itself, a ten minute track which starts off like an Unsolved Mysteries meets Halloween beat line, and climbs to a climax of meditation from Crispian Mills of Kula Shaker, "Firestarter", of course, shines even with it's age, "Climbatize" is a basic techno hook with no vocals, yet they seem ambient like Orbital, Prodigy jacks up the tempo and sets cruise, summing up the album, they cover nicely the L7 classic, "Fuel My Fire", and "Serial Thrilla" still cuts the requirements of a sure shot single, with Keith Flint behind the mic, L. Howlett behind the boards, sky's the limit for these once attributed one hit wonders, it is evident that Prodigy will be part of the trendsetters of the electronic generation... note: turn to the offical Prodigy site at www.theprodigy.com

Movie: Men In Black

by Dax

The hype is here. You've seen the commercials, the MTV special, HBO's "the making of…," and of course Will Smith's new hit video: "Here come the MIBs…"

Yep, the hype is definitely here. And with already talks of a sequel, Men In Black obviously is raking in the dough. But is it any good?

Well, MIB is good enough to make Will Smith publicly drop his title of "The Fresh Prince" in effort to become a big time actor. Hey, he's already cast for two movies next year. Also remember MIB stars Tommy Lee Jones who no one can dispute as an amazing talent, and is directed by Barry Sonnenfield known for Get Shorty. Finally, the movie's executive producer is, low and behold, the great Steven Spielberg. What I'm getting at is no one can dispute MIB has the makings of an exceptional film. But makings don't mean jack shit to whether the film is actually any good.

And neither does ticket sales. Men In Black is without a doubt an instant best seller just with the bottom plot line: the good secret agents, dressed and equipped as cool as imaginably possible, battle aliens with amazing weaponry, and win, American style. I could just yell that line and millions upon millions of Americans would come running. But, Men In Black delves beyond it's formulaic plot.

Yes there are chase scenes and shoot-em up scenes, and the underground secret lair scene, but these scenes are well done with dialogue and special effects. The gadgets and aliens are well designed, look cool and are brought into the film with perfection. Most of the actual ideas of course came from Lowell Cunningham, the author of the comic book series of which the movie is based, but writer Ed Solomon has included in the screen play dialogue which ventures far beyond normal action adventure alien movie dialogue. The humor is not verbally slapsticky and includes many long style jokes and pokes delivered well by each actor and actress and especially by Will Smith, whose early albums and presence from "The Fresh Prince of Bell Air" will always follow him.

And there is more on top the surface. Little tid-bits are presented throughout the film which break from the action and humor and turn to a more philosophical and drama genre, actually reconsiding mundane American life, the life of the secret agent, and the existence of our entire galaxy. Agent K (Lee) talks to Agent J (Smith) about why their agency is indeed secret—because the public simply can't handle the reality that they aren't the only beings in existence. That humans aren't the smartest and best. And there are at least four of these tid-bits, and are what I personally like to see in a movie: thing's that make you think about life. And I'll tell you, I wasn't expecting any in MIB, but when they came I embraced them.

At length, with the alien movement becoming a long-lived trend aided though the light of the Roswell fiasco and corroborated by the fact that two of the biggest movies in the last two years were alien movies, Men In Black furthers the trend with a token alien story about saving human existence but brings it to you with well-written humor, sound acting, and exceptional special effects. note: check out the official MIB site at www.meninblack.com

Book: The Belljar (Sylvia Plath)

by Abby

The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath’s autobiographical novel, is an amazingly vivid account of her proceedings through the falsity of the fashion industry, the  mundanity of life in a small bland town, the confusion and paranoia of a young girl attempting suicide and finally a struggle to reform "insanity."

Plath decided that her "warped view of the world around... seems the one right way of looking at things." 

Basically, Sylvia Plath had the ability to do almost anything she wanted with her life.  She achieved perfection in her schoolwork, earned awards and scholarships for her writing and was publishing poems at the age of eight.  During her sophomore year at Smith College, Plath won a short story contest for Mademoiselle Magazine.  And in August of 1951 she spent a month in New York co-editing the magazine.  There she was enveloped in a fashionably perfect lifestyle and was consumed with the fashion industry and its people. 

Upon return (to a small suburb of Boston), she became more and more withdrawn and her views became more and more warped. Plath began to become trapped in her own personal bell jar.   

Sylvia Plath just didn’t know quite what to do with herself. She saw her life as a tree full of ripe fruit, each fruit representing a bright and fulfilling future.  She saw herself "sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs to choose.  I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet." 

This dismay and consternation caused a few suicide attempts, shock therapy, and a stay at some mental hospitals.

In The Belljar Plath writes in almost child-like language, with vividly visible images and wonderfully thought-provoking symbolism.  The novel is poetry--from the colors in her neighbor’s hand-woven rug that are trampled to gray by her husband and children, to the malicious anger of bed-ridden hospital patients whose flower arrangements Plath combines to fit her own tastes. Plath's childish, paranoid thoughts and bizarre words and actions are easily understood as she explains them to the reader, and the mind of one of "society’s outcasts" is becomes all too familiar...

Humor

Is Bill Gates Satan?

To all members of Bill's fan club ...

Concidence or truth?

"Woe to you, oh earth and sea. For the Devil sends the Beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short. Let him who hath understanding reckon (calculate) the Number of the Beast, for it is a human number. Its number is six hundred and sixty-six." [Revelations (New Testament)]

Proof that Bill Gates is the Devil:

The real name of "the" Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where "III" means the order of third (3rd.) By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:

B 66
I 73
L 76
L 76
G 71
A 65
T 84
E 69
S 83
+ 3
--------------
666 !!

Some might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful?" Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind's ultimate and total enslavement??? Before you decide, consider the following:

M S - D O S 6.21
77+83+45+68+79+83+32+54+46+50+49 = 666

W I N D O W S 95
87+73+78+68+79+87+83+57+53+1 = 666

Coincidence? You decide.........

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