Accidents are not funny, but the first jokes following are some real 
quotes from accident reports and insurance claims:
@
I told the policeman that I was not injured, but upon removing my
  hat I discovered I had a fractured skull.
@
The guy was all over the road.  I had to swerve a number of times before
   I hit him.
@
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
@
The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside.  He then went to rest
   in the bush with just his rearend showing.
@
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced over at my mother-in-law
   in the other seat, and headed over the embankment.
@
I had been driving my car for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel
   and had an accident.
@
The telephone pole was approaching fast.  I was attempting to swerve
   out of its way when it struck my front end.
@
A pedestrian I did not see, hit me and then went sliding under my car.
@
The pedestrian had no idea which way to go, so I hit him.
@
The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a 
   skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
@
Q:  What is your brother-in-law's name?
A:  Mr. Borofkin.
Q:  What is his first name?
A:  I can't remember.
Q:  He's been your brother-in-law for 45 years and you can't remember
       his first name?
A:  No, I tell you I'm too excited.  (rising from witness chair and 
       pointing at Mr. Borofkin)  Nathan, for goodness sake, tell them
       your first name!
@
Q: Did you stay all night with this man in New York?
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you stay all night with this man in Miami?
A: No.
@
Q: James stood back and shot Tommy Lee?
A: Yes.
Q: And then Tommy Lee pulled his gun and shot James in the fracas?
A: (after a moments hesitation) No sir, just above it.
@
Q:  Doctor, did you same he was shot in the woods?
A:  No, I said he was shot in the lumber region.
@
Q:  Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A:  By death.
Q:  And by whose death was it terminated?
@
Q:  What is your name?
A:  Ernestine McDowell
Q:  What is your marital status?
A:  Fair.
@
Q:  Are you married?
A:  No, I'm divorced.
Q:  What did your husband do before you divorced him?
A:  A lot of things I didn't know about.
@
Q:  And who is this person you are speaking of?
A:  My ex-widow said it.
@
Q:  How did you happen to go to Dr. Cheney?
A:  Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr.
       Cheney, and she said he was really good.
@
Q:  Do you know how far pregnant are you right now?
A:  I will be three months November 8th.
Q:  Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A:  Yes.
Q:  What were you and your husband doing at that time?
@
Q:  Mrs. Smith, do you believe you are emotionally unstable?
A:  I used to be.
Q:  How many times did you commit suicide?
A:  Four times.
@
