Did they take an x-ray of your wife's jaw at the hospital?
They tried to, but they got a moving picture.
@
Doctor:  There goes the only woman I ever loved.
Nurse:  Why don't you marry her?
Doctor:  I can't afford to. She's my best patient.
@
Have you any aches or pains this morning?
Yes, Doctor, it hurts me to breathe.  In fact, the only trouble now 
   seems to be with my breathing.
All right.  I'll give you something that will stop that.
@
Are you taking the medicine I prescribed regularly?
Well, I tasted it and decided that I'd rather have the cough.
@
My sister married one of the biggest doctors in town.
Does he have any money?
Sure, he has.  Do you think she married him for her health?
@
Just do as I say and you'll be another man.
Okay and, Doctor, don't forget to send your bill to the other man.
@
Now doc, be sure and write plain on them bottles which is for the 
   horse and which is for my husband.  I don't want nothin' to 
   happen to that horse before the spring plowin'.
@
You've got chronic bronchitis, but don't worry, you'll be all right
   in no time.
You're so sure, I suppose you've had a great deal of experience with
   this sickness.
My dear, miss, I've had bronchitis myself for more than 15 years.
@
Doctor, I want a little wart removed.
You're in the wrong office, madam, the divorce lawyer is in the 
   next office.
@
Why don't you go out with Gus?  He's an M.D.
That's just it -- Mentally delinquent.
@
Say, Doctor, what's this bill for?
Five hundred and fifty dollars -- five hundred for twenty calls at
   $25 a call, and $50 for medicine.
All right Doctor, here's the fifty for the medicine.  I'll pay the
   visits back.
@
Doctor:  Stick out your tongue.
Man:  What for?  I'm not mad at you.
@
My Brother's in jail charged with murder.
Say, that's serious.  How did it happen?
My father was sick and the doctor told my brother to give him a shot in
   the arm to relieve his pain -- and my brother thought if one shot
   would help -- why not empty the six shooter into him?
@
Is the doctor in?
Yes, but the doctor is practicing.
Well, I'll come back when he is perfect.
@
The doctor I consult tells you to play golf for your health.
And if you already play golf, then what?
He tells you to stop.
@
Is the doctor in?
No, he stepped out for lunch.
Will he be in after lunch?
Why no, that's what he went out after...
@
Why did you break your engagement to Tom?
He deceived me.  He told me he was a liver and kidney specialist,
   and I found out that he only worked in the butcher shop.
@
Why did you tear the back part out of that new book?
Excuse me, dear, the part you speak of was labelled "appendix" and
   I took it out without thinking.
@
A little bird told me what kind of lawyer your uncle is.
What did he say?
Cheep!  Cheep!
Oh, yeh.  Well, a duck just told me what kind of a doctor your pa is.
@
Doctor: I will examine you for $10.
Patient:  Go ahead.  If you find it I'll give you half.
@

