I once again find myself holding onto stuff which I should really let go, as it no longer serves me and/or is no longer part of my life. I do not even do this in forms
which are overtly harmful -- I just reminisce, laugh and then end up feeling sad as if I am now in a worse place than I was. My mind seems to very easily ignore many
forms of personal growth when faced with a highlight reel of the past, and this happens continuously and perpetually.

As if Andrej back then wouldn't trade his left testicle for the ability to drive and not be so isolated and dependent...

I see the runaway success of other people who I once thought were either equal to me or beneath me, including people I was once affiliated with, and I project unprocessed
trauma or insecurity onto them because it's easier than putting that towards working on stuff which defines me or that I love.

Just because someone appears happier in my absence than they ever were in my presence, does not necessarily mean that I am the cause. And, likewise, just because I
appear to be the one who puts forth all the effort in all of my interpersonal relationships, does not mean that I should put in more. I might want to pull back a little.