2026-10-14                             dispatches from helix
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   I continue to feel sad about computing.

   On the bright side I have had some nice time screwing around
   with computers -- changing my theme and switching Linux
   distributions and window-managers. Replacing the SATA disks
   with SAS drives during a datacentre trip for Colocataires
   etc. IT, I guess.

   But actual programming? I'm not yet back to being able to
   fungram.

   At the moment I just need to do other things with my life
   and my time. Maybe computing will come back for me and maybe
   it won't.

   The longer that I'm not working as a software developer the
   more that it feels impossible to go back to it -- not that
   no one will have me, but because I find it hard to imagine
   bringing myself to do it. Hopefully that will change to.
   Even if I never go back, I want to feel like it's because I
   choose not to, and not because I just ... can't.

   down down down, sad sad sad. Tomorrow's another day.

   I'm enjoying some books at the moment, especially "D: Heavy
   Water" which I've been waiting for ever since I finished
   Polostan back in New York in 2024. Of course I'll finish it
   too quick and then I don't know what will fill its place.
   I'd love to read (much) more, if I could figure out how to
   find things I want to read more easily.