xtcc: Case 185 Social Media Comment Compression 
======

 Social media is consuming resources at an alarming rate.
Every day, users post roughly 40 million tweets and 3.5
billion Facebook messages alone 1 . . . In addition to
which, we have Google Plus, Kinja, Reddit, LiveJournal2, and
so on . . .

Fortunately, semantic analysis of the traffic reveals a
staggering amount of duplication. So to reduce bandwidth
consumption, storage space, and work hours lost to “texting
thumb”,3 I propose a new standardized menu that reduces each
social media comment to a simple five-bit number (0 to 31):

“Like” (or “Plus 1”)

“Hate” (or “Minus 1”)

“Whatever” (or “Times 1”)

tl;dr

LOL

SMH

LOLSMH

ZOMGROTFLMAOSMH [don’t try this IRL].

Obligatory XKCD.

Irrelevant trivia.

Snark.

Boojum.

A picture of your lunch.

A picture of your junk.

A picture of the “that’s enough internet for today” cat.

“Firefly” quote.

Pun.

Worse pun.

Small unfunny joke made at expense of absent partner/spouse,
giving readers a glimpse into the seething bitterness
underlying your joyless relationship.

Creepy attempt at flirting, via sexual innuendo followed by
;-)

Clumsy attempt to cover up flirting, via “j/k” followed by
;-)

Trolling.

Vaguebooking.

Sycophantic mollycoddling [now illegal in Indiana].

Drunken confession [adjust security settings to disable].

Sweeping generalization.

#NotAll___.

Observation that YOUR gender/religion/political party does
something EVEN WORSE.

Argumentum Ad Hominem.

F-bombs away!

Invocation of Godwin’s Law [automatically ends thread].

I made $6400/week working at home, using this one trick
invented by a mom to enlarge your penis: ask me how! 4

1 Statistics courtesy of this site.

2 No, really, LiveJournal is still around. Snopes confirmed
it.

3 “Texting Thumb” is a thing that is real. It’s formally
known as De Quervain’s Syndrome.

4 90% of all Internet traffic is this, according to a
statistic that I made up just now.