2023-12-26 - Tantra for the West by Marcus Allen ================================================ I found this book at a yard sale. After skimming through it, i saw that it was relatively light reading considering the subject. I enjoyed the plain, streamlined writing style. In particular, i like the deceptively simple exercises in this book. You can find many of them in my notes below. The author states that he is coming from a Tibetan tantric tradition, in contrast to the traditions found in northern India. Wikipedia has an abundance of detail on the subject: Tantra Chapter 1: Opening ================== A good way to define tantra is the union of everything, or the unity of every moment. Tantra is a path, a means, to personal freedom. What is personal freedom? That is entirely up to you to discover and create for yourself, for freedom is being free to be yourself. Every moment is sacred, every moment is to be enjoyed and/or used as a teaching--a piece of valuable instruction, a message--for you to grow by. Everything you are doing, have done, and will do are part of your practice of tantra, for tantra uses every moment as a vehicle to freedom. Chapter 2: The Brilliant Concept of Tantra ========================================== The word itself comes from the ancient Sanskrit root word meaning to weave. Tantra is the stuff of life, the unique fabric of our lives which we have woven over the years. Tantra is a way of life which involves acceptance, not rejection, of all of life. It does not reject anyone or any particular spiritual path or psychological area of study. It embraces the whole of life. Everything has its own perfect reason for being. Tantra teaches respect for the individual, and recognizes that every individual must evolve in her or his own way. The practice of tantra involves every moment of our lives. It involves an acceptance of, and a willingness to deal with, all of our thoughts, feelings, and actions--both the so-called positive feelings and the so-called negative feelings. [Pleasant and unpleasant.] A very important thing to become aware of, whenever you're in an 'unpleasant' place, or confronting a 'negative' emotion, is this: It is not necessarily the situation itself, or the emotion itself, which is causing you your problem--it is your own rejection of the situation, and your own rejection of your feelings, which is causing the problem to be far worse than it would be otherwise. Exercise: Getting Clear ----------------------- This is a four-step exercise to be done when you are feeling uncomfortable, emotionally upset, pressuring yourself to make a decision, or any time you wish to get more deeply in touch with yourself. Don't skip over any of these steps--especially the ones which seem insignificant. Do them all: 1) Ask yourself a question which confronts or examines the feelings you are experiencing. It could be, "What am I telling myself right now?" or "What is the truth for me about _____?" or even, "What am I feeling right now?" 2) Answer yourself with the very first words that come into your mind, without censoring anything. 3) Acknowledge yourself, each time you answer, by saying "Thank you!" to yourself for sharing these feelings. Then repeat these steps again, and again--until you finally arrive at an answer which sheds the light of clear understanding upon your situation. You'll know when it happens because you will suddenly feel better, clearer, more aware of your feelings and attitudes, and more aware of your options. 4) Share your discovery with someone else, within a day or two. Even if you have to call or write somebody, it is important to share your feelings and your insight with someone you are close to. This finalizes the whole process. This exercise is so simple--yet so powerful! It brings to the surface all the feelings which we are experiencing on deep levels that we don't allow ourselves to examine consciously because they're not 'nice' feelings. Once they surface, and once we accept them, they lose their power. It is important not to reject these feelings--by rejecting them, we are giving them power to run our lives. Chapter 3: Affirmations ======================= An affirmation is simply a spoken declaration, in the present tense, which creates a desired reality. We have been giving ourselves affirmations all our lives. And others have been giving us affirmations all our lives. The only problem has been that we have not been consciously aware of the process and the power of affirmations, and so we have affirmed a lot of things which we could do better without. Anything you say or think to yourself is an affirmation. Anything anyone else says to you is an affirmation, if you accept it. Our subconscious minds accept it all--whether for better or worse. Affirm what you know to be true in your heart, and you will create that reality. Through our words and the thoughts behind them, we are continually giving our bodies operating instructions. By being observant, we can become aware of this process. The simplest way to do affirmations consciously is just to say them to yourself, either out loud or silently, whenever you feel like it. Especially say them to counteract any negative thoughts or words you find yourself thinking or saying. This is not a tool for repression--allow yourself to have any thoughts and feelings you have--don't reject them--and yet, give yourself the time and energy to affirm a more desirable reality after you have experienced and explored your so-called 'negative' feelings. Make the affirmations in the present tense--even if it seems unrealistic. Another powerful way to do affirmations is in the relaxed state of mind and body which is often called meditation. Exercise: Meditative Affirmations --------------------------------- Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and affirm, silently to yourself as you exhale, "My body is now relaxing." Take another breath and affirm, as you exhale, "My mind is now relaxing." Take one last deep breath and affirm, as you exhale, "I am now letting everything go." Then choose any affirmation--any instructions you want to give your body and mind, anything you wish to create. See it happening here and now as you say your affirmations. If excitement and enthusiasm arises to support the affirmation, all the better--the stronger the feeling, the sooner the reality you wish to create manifests. Say each one repeatedly, until it feels good to you. Try these and see how they feel: * I am deeply relaxed... * I am strong and healthy... * I am open, I am free... Feel yourself being relaxed. See yourself strong and healthy. Feel yourself open and free. Choose any other affirmations you wish to work on, and repeat them, many times, until you feel sure that your subconscious has unquestionably gotten the message. Picture yourself as having completely fulfilled the affirmation. Enjoy yourself--don't work too hard at this. Have fun with your creative imagination. Take a final, deep breath at the end of your meditative affirmations, and affirm: "This, or something better, is now manifesting, for the highest good of all! So be it! So it is!" Now return to your waking day, fully relaxed and refreshed, recharged, able to effortlessly accomplish whatever you want. * * * The measure of an affirmation's success is whether or not it soon manifests in your world. ... the results should become clearly evident to you in a short time. You should be able to feel the change. If the results aren't happening, it is only because you are affirming something else on deeper, perhaps less conscious, levels which is creating something contradictory to what you are affirming consciously. Writing affirmations and their responses is the best way to [explore] this. Exercise: Writing Affirmations ------------------------------ Take a notebook. On one page, write "Affirmations" across the top. On the next page, write "Thank you!" across the top. The begin writing your affirmations on the page headed "Affirmations." Put your attention into it; pour your feeling into it. You want to be self-sufficient, or beautiful, or whatever--and the truth of the matter is that you deserve it, so you might as well create it for yourself. Keep on writing the same affirmation, and keep putting your full attention on it. Soon you will probably notice some kind of inner resistance popping up--some words you are telling yourself [affirming to yourself] on deep levels. Whatever they are, write them down on your "Thank you!" page. On this page, you are encouraged to voice all of your reactions to your affirmations. After writing your affirmation 10 or 20 times, you may have 10 or 20 or 30 comments on your "Thank you!" page. Look at them carefully--these are the things you are affirming to yourself on deeper levels which are creating your present reality. Sometimes these negative affirmations dissolve as soon as you look at them. At other times, you may have to create new affirmations for yourself that are especially designed to counteract what you have been telling yourself. Do this daily, if necessary. Break down your resistances with more affirmations. When you finally get to the core of your resistance--to the "biggie" which you are holding onto, the one terrible thing about yourself that you haven't dared to admit even to yourself--when you finally find yourself writing it out on your "Thank you!" sheet, you'll feel something releasing in you. Then find the affirmation which deals with it directly and releases it for all time from your consciousness. You'll find yourself feeling wonderful. Now you are coming into your own power. Now you're not limiting yourself any more. You're free to be who you want, and to create the life you want. It is your birthright. * * * ... there are many types of affirmations which need to be supported by and completed through a very mechanical series of actions in the world. Keep doing your affirmation, and it will become clear to you what you need to do. It is a startling thing for many people to realize that we create what we want. We may not be creating what we think we want, but in fact we are creating that which we want on some deep, perhaps subconscious, levels. Affirmations work only for the good--that is, the highest good of all concerned. If anyone wishes to use these tools... at the expense of another, they will create problems for themselves. If you have even the slightest feeling that what you're affirming may not be the best thing for you, or for someone else, finish your affirming with the words, "This, or something better, is now manifesting for the highest good of all concerned." I'll close this chapter with mention of a particularly powerful affirmation for people in the world today: "_____ comes to me, easily and effortlessly." Often, one of the largest stumbling blocks in the way of attaining or accomplishing something, especially our most cherished dreams and goals, is that we're trying too hard. Life does not have to be a struggle. Chapter 4: Relationships ======================== Our relationships with others--both casual and intimate--give us a constant, truthful mirror of ourselves. An honest appraisal of our relationships can provide us with some of the best material we have to help us grow. It's important to realize that, in our relationships as in most other areas of our lives, we're free to create whatever we desire. We can have any kind of relationship(s) we want. Most of what follows focuses on intimate, personal relationships. But the same principles apply to all relationships: friend, parent-child, boss-employee, coworker, neighbor, etc. Many people who are unhappy and lonely, in fact, have more success in creating the kind of perfect relationships they want if they first start with getting more satisfaction from the friend and coworker and other relationships they already have, and then go on to focusing on and creating an intimate romantic relationship after they have a little practice in being a good friend. Exercise: Personal Inventory ---------------------------- Sondra Ray, author of I Deserve Love, uses a process in her workshops that is very startling and eye-opening for a lot of people: Make the following lists across the top of a sheet of paper: * What I want * What I have * What I really want Under "What I want," list what you want--in your relationships, in your life in general. Under "What I have," list what you have at present. Then, under "What I really want," also list what you have at present--because we have already created in our lives what we have really wanted. Some people may feel this isn't true, because it often certainly doesn't seem to be true on conscious levels of our awareness. But on deeper levels, it is completely true: we have created for ourselves exactly what we have wanted and what we have felt we deserved; we have created for ourselves at present what we feel we are worthy of. But we deserve better things--so let's start creating some better things! First, we need to focus on the inner planes--purely within ourselves, within our beliefs and imaginations. Once we do some inner investigation and work, we'll focus on the outer plane, which involves our actions in the world, with our partner or partners, and with everyone else we relate to. It is very important--essential, in fact--for us to create a clear picture or idea of what we want in relationship, and to affirm that it is so. Look honestly at what you truly want. Imagine it clearly in your mind's eye. We must first create in our thoughts and feelings those things we wish to create in our lives. As soon as you are ready for relationship, it happens. Then it becomes something to skillfully manage on the outer plane as well as the inner. First Key To Relationships: Communication ----------------------------------------- The key to successful relationships on the outer level can be given in one word: communication. Communication simply involves sharing your feelings--giving other people your honest feedback, both positive and negative, and receiving feedback in a way which is beneficial. We simply hear what they're saying, we realize that there's some reason for them to be telling us those particular things, and we accept what they're saying and agree to look at it. If, after a while, we feel that they're being accurate, we acknowledge that, thank them, and see if there's some way to improve things. If on the other hand we feel, after some quiet introspection, that their communication was not useful, we simply let it go, without blaming or judging anyone in the process. Our friends, lovers, bosses, parents, children, and everyone else we encounter often mirror us, and give us valuable instructions which can help us uplevel the quality of our lives if we're open to their communications--if we learn to listen, and stop denying, defending, and beating ourselves up with what they're telling us. Second Key To Relationships: Negotiation ---------------------------------------- Another essential key to successful, supportive relationships is contained in a word which some people have difficulty relating to: negotiation. True negotiation is the art of creating win-win situations. If either person in the relationship is not winning, that is, not getting what they want and deserve, then the relationship is not working. Often this frustration can be dissolved with a few simple conversations in which each person communicates as clearly as they can exactly what they want in the relationship. Then the other person responds, saying from their heart what they feel good about giving. It is often necessary to work out a compromise, but it is far better to compromise than to spend years trying to get something that your partner doesn't feel good about giving. Keep focusing on the fact that it is always possible to come up with a creative solution which will give you both what you want. It may be something you've never done before, but there IS a creative solution. Or, one or both of you may choose to end the relationship--that too is a possibility. Separation is sometimes a much better choice than years of frustration. Dealing With Conflict --------------------- 1) Stop. Take a breath. It takes two to tango, but it takes only one to stop. 2) Give your partner the time, space, and encouragement to totally express their feelings. Listen to them... don't interrupt them... don't even judge them... Just give them the opportunity to express themselves, completely. Encourage them to say what is on their mind, even if it makes you furious. Wait until they have had their say, and tell them, "Thank you for sharing that with me." 3) Now it's your turn to express your feelings. Be sure that it is clear with your partner that you want them to give you the space to let out all your feelings just as you have let them do. Tell them they must not interrupt but just listen to what you have to say. They'll get their chance to respond. Don't try to edit or censor or soften it--jump into the center... and show your partner your deepest feelings. The next step depends on how effective the last two have been. If you've both said it all, you'll notice that the charge between you has dissipated, because you've released a lot of 'stuff' you were holding onto. But if one or both of you still feels agitated, repeat steps 2 and 3 again... These steps have been effective when you begin to feel calmer and closer than you were when you began. 4) Next, ask your partner what they want from you. Give them the time, space, and encouragement to tell you exactly what they want and need from you. Listen and remember. 5) Then, tell your partner exactly what you want from them. Be open and honest. Spell out what you want and need. One way to get into it, if you have difficulty doing it, is to play a little game with each other, in which each of you spells out your 'ideal scene' if you could have the relationship exactly as you would want it in its most ideal form. Now comes the final step: the negotiation. Negotiation is really the essential basis of every relationship: we are together because we have some reason for being together, and that reason involves giving something and receiving something from the other person. If the relationship isn't working smoothly, it is because the agreements haven't been spelled out clearly enough. You can call it 'making agreements' if negotiation is not the right word for you. If this exercise does not work for you, if repeating these steps does not clear the air and resolve your feelings, you may need to seek a counselor or a skilled facilitator to assist you in learning to share your feelings in an effective way. Enlightened relationships are... a win-win proposition. Everybody wins, nobody loses. Be creative--there are no set norms or forms that you have to follow. Chapter 5: Sex ============== How do you feel about sex? How have you felt about your sexual relationships? Answer these questions honestly to yourself--the most important first step is just to be totally honest. Do you feel guilty about anything? Take some time to examine that one--guilt is a very popular state of mind in our culture today, unfortunately. Practice seeing the beauty in everyone... and the beauty in yourself... Every lover, every friend, everyone you meet, even everyone you see has their own unique beauty... their own unique spark of the divine which they reflect. Can you see it? Every lover you've ever had and ever will have has been a divine being, in their essence, in their true being... Can you see it? Their bodies are miraculous creations of a loving divine force, and by loving them you have united with that force... And the most beautiful part of all is that the same is true for them, because they see the divinity in you. Chapter 7: Work =============== Look at your beliefs about work--are they limiting your personal freedom? Examine your beliefs and understand that they can be changed, if you find that you have beliefs (even deep, core beliefs) that do not serve your highest purpose. The single, most powerfully motivating force which keeps many people in jobs they dislike is insecurity--fear of not having enough, fear of not making it without working that job. Remember that when you are following your intuitive guidance and acting for your highest good the universe will always take care of you--you will always have enough. Most people work in order to survive. And this takes so much time and energy that they neglect their deepest desires and their greatest areas of creativity. By focusing primarily on your short-term needs... you can lose your long-range sight. Start instead by focusing on your highest purpose in life, your deepest wishes, your most exquisite dreams. Then find or create work which is in alignment with these things, and you will find that the details of your life will start to fall into place as you align yourself more and more with your highest purpose. This can take some time to unfold, but it is a journey well worth making. Some people have difficulty discovering their highest purpose. Exercise: Your Ideal Scene -------------------------- Take a sheet of paper, if you are alone, or sit down with a close friend. Pretend that you are suddenly five or ten years in the future, and that you have managed to create everything your heart has ever desired for yourself. Allow yourself to be completely fanciful and unrealistic. You have succeeded beyond your wildest dreams. Describe where you live, what you do, how much money you make, what kind of relationships you have, etc. Be as thorough as you can. Play with this, just like a child plays at being what they want to be when they grow up. If you could have been anything you want, what would it be? Have fun with this exercise. Allow your fantasies to wander, and explore all kinds of different possibilities, if you feel like it. This isn't just child's play--it could have a very concrete effect on your future. Now that you have explored your ideal scene, now that you have taken your dreams out of the closet, you are in the right state of mind to phrase--in a short, simple paragraph--your highest purpose in life. And you have the proper perspective to sketch out both long-term and short-term goals for yourself. Exercise: Highest Purpose In Life --------------------------------- Take a sheet of paper and write, "My highest purpose in life is..." and complete the sentence. Use no more than one short paragraph to express what it is. Of course, it will be in broad, general terms. Then, under that paragraph, list every goal--both long-term and short-term--which is in alignment with that purpose, which helps to further that purpose. Some will be very general, some more specific. Underneath the goals--perhaps on separate sheets of paper, if necessary--list the immediate steps necessary to accomplish that goal. Every broad, general purpose can be broken down into a series of general goals. Every general goal can be broken down into several specific goals. Every specific goal can be broken down into specific steps necessary to accomplish that goal. You can always change or delete your goals, if and when you feel like it. Once you have your highest purpose and your goals clearly listed in front of you, you are in a much better position to determine exactly what you want to do with your valuable time and energy than you were before. This is the key to finding what has been called 'right livelihood' for yourself--that is, work which is in alignment with your highest purpose and your goals. This is the only kind of work which will be deeply satisfying for you. This is the only work you will have the kind of energy for which will cause you to truly succeed, in whatever ways you wish. It may require a leap of faith--in fact, it probably will--but you will never regret making it. It is important to see, too, that whatever you are now doing has its own perfect reason for being, and can be satisfying in its own way. Enjoy your work--regardless of what you are doing, and regardless of whether or not you desire to be doing something else. You'll discover all kinds of new rewards when you're able to do this. Chapter 8: Money ================ Exercise: Money Is ------------------ Take a piece of paper, and at the top of the paper, write "Money is..." and then underneath, list everything--good, bad, irrelevant, weird, embarrassing, whatever--that comes to mind about money. List the things you've heard about money. List the things you tell yourself about money. Just take 10 minutes, and you'll probably get all the "biggies" down... or take a little longer if you feel like you're avoiding something. Money in itself is nothing at all, except what we make of it. In itself, it has no value at all, but is simply a medium of exchange, a convention set up to assist people in trading one thing for another in an efficient way. Chapter 9: Creativity ===================== Our culture is very progressive and successful in some ways--and an abysmal failure in others. One of the greatest failures of our educational systems involves creativity. [Basically, the schools stifle and destroy childrens' natural creative genius.] There are many ways to unlock the creative genius within you. One is by remembering and reconnecting with the fantasies, dreams, and activities you experienced as a child. Children know exactly where their greatest creative power lies. What did you dream of doing and being? What did you actually do when you were young? Remember it, connect with it, and act on it. Another way to open up your creativity is to tune into your deepest dreams and fantasies that have kept surfacing for you all your life. What creative things do you imagine yourself doing? Don't underestimate the power of your fantasies and daydreams! Within them is the power to create whatever your heart desires. What is blocking your natural flow of creativity? For most people, the greatest obstacles to creativity--and to personal freedom in general--are the internal and external judges we have created for ourselves, and the negative self-image which these judgments have produced. Another great and unnecessary obstacle is the fear of failure. There is no such thing as failure anyway: every 'failure' is merely another lesson to be learned on the way to your success--if you see it that way. The trial and error process is our natural process of growth... Exercise: Fifteen Minutes ------------------------- Take fifteen minutes (or, if that's too confronting, take ten, or even five) to give yourself some time to open up your creativity. Just decide that you'll spend this time doing something new and creative, something you've dreamed of doing, perhaps, but somehow have never gotten around to doing it. Just sit there, and do whatever pops into your mind. Give yourself total freedom to do anything... Chapter 11: Meditation and Yoga =============================== Meditation and yoga are excellent for you--physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually--but, like everything else, they too can turn into addictions and other neurotic behavior. Don't ever put yourself down because you can't meditate or you aren't meditating enough or you missed your yoga session. That's using a good tool for a bad effect. Chapter 15: Freedom =================== Exercise: --------- As yourself, "What is it about _____ that need to understand?" ... In the blank space, insert the title of the chapters of this book--relationships, sex, being alone, work, money, creativity, aging, politics, etc.--or any other areas of your life which are there for you now to deal with. Look at every answer that surfaces for you. Then ask yourself, "What is it about my _____ that is teaching me to be free?"--inserting the same word in the blank space. Repeat the questions, and allow yourself to absorb whatever answers come up for you. This exercise--simply though it is, for anyone--can tune you into your intuitive teacher. It is usually better to ask yourself questions, rather than asking other people. Who knows you better than yourself? author: Allen, Mark, 1946- detail: LOC: BL624 .A453 tags: book,conflict resolution,non-fiction,self-help,tantra title: Tantra for the West Tags ==== book conflict resolution non-fiction self-help tantra