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       entry (:post apocalyptic thinking)
       January 10th, 2026
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       in the last couple of years i have battled both depression
       and addiction and won. one uncomfortable insight regarding
       what have let me spiral into this darkness again and again
       is a millenarian worldview in which this post-capitalist
       era that is destroying both our ecological, physical,
       cultural and mental realities is currently in its endgame
       and that it crashing down entirely will present a blank
       slate and a break for humanity to reconsider our priors and
       work towards a more flourishing and sustainable future.
       
       this all falls apart if the assumption that human beings in
       their nature are collective force cooperative, non-tribal,
       pro-social, non-violent et cetera and the reason for the
       non-converging alignment as species is due to our being
       host to a "mindvirus" or rather a "leech" in the societal
       and inter-relational firmware that upholds and reproduces
       the cynical process of turning every aspect of
       life/zoe/bios/culture to resources to exploit or sell as
       commodities.
       
       waiting and hoping for things to get worse so that they can
       get better again for most of my adult life when applied to
       societal development showed itself to mirror, and surely
       not only by coincidence, to my own life and i have thrown
       several years of my life out of the window because of this.
       
       the biggest developments in the other direction, that made
       me pick up myself and start to work towards what i believe
       in and want are these two: 
       
       i could in theory have felt a lot more meaning and less of
       doom and dread if i never learned about the horrors of
       ecological and societal destruction. 
       
       i started to take the notion of there being good and bad
       people more seriously, and this is not something that has a
       linear relationship to for instance political affiliation,
       class, caste or religious or cultural backgrounds. even
       though i believe in things to be good, other people who
       believe in these same causes are not automatically on the
       "good team". even though the initial notion is simplistic,
       it has allowed me to engage in a lot more nuanced thought
       regarding both solutions to short and long-term problems
       and my own morals and what i should base my actions on,
       what i can care less about, in order to be a "good" person
       myself.
       
       i dont know. im just glad i made it out, and this came to
       me with force and i felt i had to write it down and "share
       it" to capture its importance.