Posts by fesshole@mastodon.social
(DIR) Post #B29hKmSfHdsBtbHMCO by fesshole@mastodon.social
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I've had suspicions the husband was on dating sites. I created a fake account. I'm currently sexting the husband whilst he's downstairs on my fake account. He's a dead man walking
(DIR) Post #B29mxo6vaIaw4lXYhc by fesshole@mastodon.social
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I'm the PA to a CEO of a very large global corporation. It's been an eye opener for me, the guy can't do the simplest of daily life tasks, like make a cup of coffee. If there was an apocalypse he would be the first to go - that thought keeps me going.
(DIR) Post #B29sBwKEL5vXNUJwSe by fesshole@mastodon.social
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My mum's boyfriend is a prick. I used a bit of soap and water to draw a faint cock and balls on his photo in the loo at her house. You have to get it in the right light to see it, so no one else knows it's there. But I do.
(DIR) Post #B2AEM3NTAitd8a402a by fesshole@mastodon.social
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Get ready for Fesshole Live! Tickets are out now for Leicester, Luton and Leeds. We’ll also be touring Sweden – Malmö, Göteborg, Stockholm – and doing Anon Opin in Leicester. https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
(DIR) Post #B2AXX4uhhR1KDRZy6a by fesshole@mastodon.social
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Secrets need an outlet. Use the Fesshole form: http://b3ta.com/addfess
(DIR) Post #B2AZLyUrPtcr2NKAfQ by fesshole@mastodon.social
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Husband bought a 'position wedge' pillow for sex. I was underwhelmed, especially when i saw the price, what a waste of money. Turns out Its perfect for sitting up in bed drinking tea, so money well spent.
(DIR) Post #B2AefsrQa35P7VC0ZM by fesshole@mastodon.social
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I used the £50 voucher I got for 10 years service at work to buy a ballsack trimmer. I was sick of trimming my pubes with the scissors over the kitchen bin.
(DIR) Post #B2Ak25YoXjZeeJtTdY by fesshole@mastodon.social
1 likes, 1 repeats
Since lockdown, every time my other half buys a pack of mixed grapes, I compare 2 red and 2 green grapes and decide the winning colour of the pack. I keep a running tally to crown the winner at the end of the year. Green grapes took 2025, ending red grapes 2 year winning streak.
(DIR) Post #B2ApNvnO1rwQVOwcjo by fesshole@mastodon.social
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In the last year I lost both my brother and my father in law, which sucks! So now my wardrobe contains the styles of a well-heeled older gent and a middle-aged teenager. I just wear what comes out of the drawer first, mixing them up however. This would have irritated both of them
(DIR) Post #B2AujyJlpbgcTCQAGe by fesshole@mastodon.social
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Wife walks around the house in her slippers scuffing her feet on the wooden floors, makes a swishing noise which is easy to hear from a distance. Gives me plenty of time to stop doing what I shouldn't be doing, wanking, eating chocolate etc, when I hear her coming.
(DIR) Post #B2B05uy5SwDCDrYxKS by fesshole@mastodon.social
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Work in a pub and have someone wanting no strings attached sex. I'd love to but can't tell her the real reason why not. She's a similar size and shares the same first name as my mam.
(DIR) Post #B2B5S3hSBJuHRf9wvY by fesshole@mastodon.social
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Someone I dislike at work left their driver's license in the office scanner/printer, looking at it before I passed it back I saw they were only qualified to drive automatics, I'm just about to dob them in for driving a manual.
(DIR) Post #B2BAntNdjIlha67dQm by fesshole@mastodon.social
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First Christmas since my wife died. Thought, at last, I can not put out all the decorations. Fuckkng bleak. Adult kids hated it. Sorry honey you were right.
(DIR) Post #B2BG9srQqDeq6zMZ0K by fesshole@mastodon.social
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I think about Elvis dying on the toilet everyday. Mostly whilst on the toilet. I need to change my diet.
(DIR) Post #B2BLVr0GvYC2UbnFHU by fesshole@mastodon.social
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Dumped my live-in boyfriend for spending the brief time we cohabited smoking weed & playing ps5. He became so unattractive to me as he was such a bum adult acting like a teenager expecting me to pay for everything. I'm not Epstein I'm not interested in dating a teenager.
(DIR) Post #B2BQrnXUzF2ztHcNI8 by fesshole@mastodon.social
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My thing is to get in the bath and start running the taps and imagine I'm slowly drowning hoping some tall handsome stranger will rescue me, when the water level reaches my second chin I panic and turn the taps off.
(DIR) Post #B2BWDqYMxdB9NdMGLA by fesshole@mastodon.social
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Late 20s woman here. Still absolutely terrified of the dark and still sleep with lights on if my partner isn't home. I don't do it when they're home because being with them makes me feel safer. Can't tell them this tho as it feels childish.
(DIR) Post #B2BbZnU3YNbC0AcvTc by fesshole@mastodon.social
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Husband asked if I'd ever remarry if anything happened to him. Told him no. He thinks it's because I love him so much but it's because I'm sick of living with man clutter.
(DIR) Post #B2Bgvr1tYC6N8ln8ue by fesshole@mastodon.social
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Family nagged me for years to get hearing aids. Finally gave in and have spent the last two days oiling every creaky door in the house. Oh, and those silent but deadly farts I've been dropping out everywhere I go; they're high pitched squeakers.
(DIR) Post #B2BmHvSgFiYb1mfEzg by fesshole@mastodon.social
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On a day when my wife was working, I went up to our bedroom for a wank. As I was basking in the afterglow our cat jumped onto the bed and laid down beside me. She leant over and started licking my tummy and didn't stop until she'd eaten the lot. I didn't let that happen again.