Posts by Torstein@mastodon.social
 (DIR) Post #ArIuzVCWPBtGD5sD1E by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole whenever I take the car to the garage I pass a small thicket that would be perfect for hiding a body. It is in a sort of no man's land in an industrial area with no neighbours.So, while I wait for my car, I usually amuse myself by mapping out all the cameras and planning how I could ditch the body without being witnessed.
       
 (DIR) Post #ArZcdpxE4LYIiVYbhY by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole A drawer -filled- with baby teeth? Jeez, lady, how many children do you have?
       
 (DIR) Post #AuJb07UaPjvGo5qDOC by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @cstross I call myself may 9th this year, any time before 1900 CET and go "Write this down. 1, 5, 27, 36, 43 - 5, 9." because making that german feller who won €100M on the EuroJackpot only win €50M wouldn't in any way worsen his life, but it would certainly improve mine.
       
 (DIR) Post #Av1MyOvzkYieNifdia by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole Ah, sudden nostalgia for www.forum2000.org
       
 (DIR) Post #AvFVC1shmE3Cmga1vk by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole either they husband has a Newton's cradle on his desk and the cleaning staff keeps messing with it, or the fessor is a filthy liar repeating an anecdote they've heard elsewhere but messing up the punchline.Like "escritorio" (desk) and  "escroto" (scrotum) are close enough that somebody could make that mistake, but "tiny balls"?
       
 (DIR) Post #AweeYKEo0lgEQV8aUy by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole wait until nightfall the next time
       
 (DIR) Post #Ax3YShL5SyHnYz0VkG by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole man will rather risk his eyebrows and eyelashes falling out than asking an actual hair dresser for tips.
       
 (DIR) Post #AxMDwhqVjw1kmxPapk by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole you: cunningly disguising the accident by spilling your glass on your crotch, then delivering a brilliant speecheverybody else: watching in horror as the drunkard with piss running out of his trouser leg empties a glas of red wine on his crotch, needs two attempts to get up, before doing a slurred rambling speech were the only parts clear enough to be understood are the borderline racist jokes about the bride's family
       
 (DIR) Post #AxcncCNxhlZKIqwCPI by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole btw, how is little Vandal doing?
       
 (DIR) Post #AxflYJvs5ROw7JhXbE by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole grow a moustache, slick your hair backwards, wear a west, and everybody will just think you are a insufferable hipster bartender instead of an insecure one.
       
 (DIR) Post #Axfmxd5G7SDihwiyFE by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole given the average fessor's psyche and control of their own body, I'll assume you soiled yourself but loudly tried to blame it on somebody else.Nobody, including HR, have brought it up as they are deeply ashamed on your behalf.
       
 (DIR) Post #Axfndsn66wS1aKNSgS by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole why? are you concerned they will care about the name on the receipt, or the pitiful amount you spent there?It is all automatic these days anyways, computer either says yes or no.
       
 (DIR) Post #AxzSEV09D7Ooggjcau by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole …or she commented on the eyes as the facial feature, not the colour specifically.Also eye colour is the result the interaction between multiple genes, not the simple light/brown recessive/dominant trait combination we were taught in school.Yes, I'm very fun at parties, why did you ask?
       
 (DIR) Post #AyzvdxXpAVK4vJUkXg by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole I could swear I knew who this fess is from except that couple has already been unhappily married for years.
       
 (DIR) Post #AzVi5KNnBQZ9H1fzVY by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole there is something with certain people in IT security.In almost every job I've had I had to create passwords like "D6a!Bo;#4xE".Almost every password IT support have given me when I forget me complicated password has been something like "teacup123".
       
 (DIR) Post #AzfNBpj7PAYwlYVm64 by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole I had the kids convinced this was the case for a little while, only lasted until one of them tried to eject the other 😆
       
 (DIR) Post #B22OHnzaCQehc6Fjl2 by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole "we visited my GFs brother this Christmas Day. He claims to love craft beer, and enthusiastically served me several different ones. I pretended to be interested, but the truth is that every single one tasted dishwater and made me think less of him as a man."
       
 (DIR) Post #B22blHUQuEOMtu4Hqa by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @anon_opin i once worked with a guy that did this.Probably one of the saddest and most insecure individuals I've ever encountered in real life.
       
 (DIR) Post #B270dOpsf7rVmNqksa by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole just tell her you got severe piles
       
 (DIR) Post #B2FV7if5evwLRP0Y8O by Torstein@mastodon.social
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       @fesshole today I learned that there are shampoo for beards and men vain enough that there is a market for an "anti grey" version.