From: pilot@scientology.at (The Pilot)
Subject: SUPER SCIO - THE PILOT IS DESTROYED (FAREWELL ADDRESS)
Date: 29 Nov 2000 00:00:00 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.clearing.technology,alt.religion.scientology


THE PILOT IS DESTROYED (FAREWELL ADDRESS)


1. I AM ENDED

It is with great reluctance that I am announcing that the
"Pilot" identity was destroyed by OSA and the CofS.

My policy has always been to forgive and forget, to push for
gentle reforms, and to live and let live.  And so I hoped
to heal and recover and let this matter pass.

But it has been a year now and I have not recovered and there
does not seem to be any way out but to abandon it all.

Right now I'm a pitiful shadow of who I was when I wrote
Super Scio and Self Clearing.  I put those out on the net
for free and they will remain there for whomever can use
them or get anything out of them.  But I am no longer fit to
evaluate their contents or further extend the work.

I can prove nothing of what happened to me.  Consider this
total delusion if you want.  It is too incredible and
unbelieveable and I would just sound paranoid if I started
ranting about it.  But in November of 1999, I was drugged,
raped, and implanted with the commands that I posted anonymously
earlier this year as the OSA Sex-Drug-Hypnosis procedure.



2. CONTROL, FREEDOM, AND RESPONSIBILITY IN SCIENTOLOGY

ARS is pushing for articles on this topic right now, so I
throught that I would say a few words on it as a parting
gesture.

The stated goal of Scientology is Total Freedom.  I think
that it was a good target and that we made real progress
in that direction in the early days.

But then Scientology began to specialize in control, especially
in the form of control of their public to collect big bucks,
control of communication lines to suppress true stories that
were out-PR and of course the notorious use of Ethics for
dicipline while pretending to be helping the troublesome
members.

This is, of course, the antithisis of freedom and so the
true goal became a never to be attained carrot held out
in front of the membership to keep them running on the
racetrack while the stick of ethics was used to ensure
their speedy progress in forking over their money and
their lives.

Even this could be tolerated on the basis of live and let
live if they were willing to compete on an equal footing
with other practices and if they did not extend their 
controls and abuses outside of their own courseroom doors.

But instead they want to smash competition and suppress
any criticism and shut their members minds to any outside
influence by engaging in abhoreent practices like disconnection.

But for me the final straw is that they are destructive
of any real attempts to research the hidden capabilities
of the mind.

I do not want to be egotistical here, but I think that I
was pretty damn good at extending the research line and
they have put case closed to that possibility.

I'm writing now not for myself, that aspect of my life
is over, but for the possibility of future researchers
who might yet discover more keys to the hidden capabilities
of the mind and spirit.  Every viable science has had
a myrid of researchers and many generations of progress.

The current CofS is setup to destroy anybody who does
try to research the mind and with that they are guaranteeing
that nobody will ever make it.

And as for responsibility, they seem to have pulled a
fast one where responsibility is defined as smashing
their enemies instead of fixing what is really wrong
within the organization.

As far as I'm concerned, active membership in CofS implies 
a total irresponsiblity as to the real effects created
and shows no awareness of the real truth, which is that
there is something to these spiritual ideals and maybe
we should be doing something about that.

I am including this section because of the ARS literai
contest, but really I'm not following any of their rules
nor do I agree with the real ARS agenda, so I'm not
expecting to get anything out of that (and who cares since
I make a small fortune as a software designer anyway), but
I would like this message to get passed around because it
is important and so this seems like a nice way to get the 
critics to promote it for me on their websites.



3. HUMOR

I used to love to write humor posts.  I'm a bit dispersed
right now, so it doesn't really come together like it used
to.  But a good one did flash through my mind recently,
so I thought that I might give you the idea as a fun gift
even through I can't seem to flesh it out right now.

The concept is the humor of the routing form.  And the
practical example is what if the org should makeup a 
routing form for going to the bathroom.

Can you imagine going through the registrar for this or
visiting accounts to pay for it?  The real hoots come
on getting word clearing to ensure that you are using
the proper receptical or going to qual for correction or
writing a success story about the cycle.

And then going to see the reg again and having to pay 
in advance for the next time that you need to go to the
bathroom.

What fun.


4. BELL, BOOK, AND CANDLE

A favorite movie of mine.

The message here is of a cultural mind set that is not of
the normal society but of a cult within the society that has
differenct ideas and a tech that is different from the norm.

Of course there are incredible problems in the mechanics of
love between anyone of the norm and somebody of the non-standard 
cult.

Never mind which cult or what mechanics.

If you are out of alignment, then you have trouble aligning,
no matter how great your power.

I find myself in the difficult position of one who does need
to find love but is in a frame of reference that is far outside
of the normal human context.  I have no choice but to walk
back into the world that others live in.

If it seems like I'm rambling here, well that is true.  Ever
since OSA jumped me, trying to write a post turns on incredible
amounts of charge and I can hardly think straight.


5. THE DESTRUCTIVE NATURE OF SCIENTOLOGY

It really breaks my heart to write this.

I had dreams of a better world, of an acceptance of spiritual
values, of an awareness of metaphysics and the search for truth.

I would bend over backwards and give LRH just about anything
simply because he expressed some of those ideals and opened the
door to greater awareness.

But, for whatever reason, a darkness descended upon the subject.
What had been, in the early days, an open ended research into
the nature of a being changed into a ridgid orthodoxy that allows
for no free thought or further research.

Right now, with this post, I am doing what they call "walking what
I talk", or living as I preach.  I know that I've blown it as
far as being able to continue the research because I've gotten
too badly screwed up myself.  And so I am shutting up and announcing
that I am doing so rather than pretending to have all the answers.

I wish that Ron had had the same level of integrity.

Despite anything the critics might say, he was truely brilliant
in the early days.

But some spiritual sickness twisted him from the path just as
I have been twisted.  And then he did a bad thing, which was to
keep up the pretense and to create an organization which would
smash any further attempts to find real answers to the human
condition.

Although some might say that that is unforgiveable, I forgive
him and think that many others will forgive him as well because
his early work was so far beyond anything that had existed before.

But if there is to be any hope, then the barrier that was put
up against the research line must be removed or else we are all
damned forever.

I'm not going to do anything about this.  I really have had it
and have nothing left to give.  But for your own sake, if you
have any belief remaining in the true goal of freedom, then I
would suggest that you aim your efforts at removing the terrible
road block that the CofS has imposed.  How in God's name will
we ever research the rest of the road to freedom if an organization
exists that destroys every researcher that opens his mouth.


6. LISA

I've previously said that the mishandling which led to Lisa M.'s
death was due to Flag's incredible incompetance.

And that might really be the case.  But now I'm suspecting something
far worse.

This is pure speculation.

Let us say that a loyal Scientologists got onto their OT levels
and got upset about it, saying that it was not what was wrong
with their case and threatening to go public with cries of bullshit
because of the high prices charged for a wrong case handling.

I would think that Flag and OSA would get upset.  And I would not
put it past them to call in an OSA team to use that SDH procedure
to implant a command in the girl to make her shut up.  And they
would justify it as being needed to protect the bridge which
ensured eventual total freedom for mankind.

Of course I am guessing here and I don't want to launch any unjust
accusations.

But if they did do the SDH procedure with a pretty girl, you can
bet that they told her to take her clothes off while under the
effects of the hypnotic drug.

And that is a possible answer to the wierdest thing about the
Lisa story, which is that it begins with her taking her clothes
off in the middle of a public street.  That one is really off
the wall.

Unless she had previously been hypnotized, and orders to take
her clothes off had been part of the incident.  And then some
random conversation had triggered those orders so that she did
it again in public.  And of course she really didn't know or
remember why she took them off, but was smart enough to say that
it was an indication that she needed help.

That does make sense.  And the rest of the Lisa story fits in as
the misguided attempts to handle somebody suffering from the
effects of the OSA SDH implant.

Just speculation of course.

But if this is true, then CofS itself is implanting people and 
has become that which it pretends to fight.


7. BLACK THETA OPS

I'm not certain about the name, but it reads on an e-meter like
dynamite.

It would seem that as a first stage, they try to use OTs to
engage in psychic warefare, telepathically implanting enemies
or whatever.  This is so weak and shallow as to be a joke.
Some people in the freezone, including myself, have noticed
this, but is is so trivial that everybody shrugs it off with
hardly a glance.  They really aren't capable of producing OTs
that can do anything significant.

But beyond this, when they get desperate, there does seem to
be the physical use of black dianetics with an upgraded procedure
that includes rape and reverse anti-auditing commands in addition
to simple PDH.

Apparantly, adding in sex/rape on top of PDH makes a pleasure-pain
syndrom that is effective even on a clear because a clear has
only blown the force out of the bank and is not really free
from all incident chains or abberations.  My experience, after
endless hours of trying to run the damn thing out, is that it
still has effect even after apparantly being errase because the
pleasure/pain bundle causes it to compulsively mockup again at
a physical level.  The obvious solution is to use affectionate
sex to unravel the pleasure/pain hook but that means finding a
partner which is damn hard because the incident itself and the
black flows it creates tend to make one repulsive to any ordinary
2Ds.

Note that the "pleasure/pain" syndrom is known in hypnotherapy
because it comes up in hypnotic drug rape cases.  They are not
very good at handling it but they do know that it makes posthypnotic
commands really stick whereas simple PDH (as described in Dianetics)
seems like an unworkable joke to them as far as long term
effects go.

Since Ron was well versed in hypnotism, he would have known about
this pleasure/pain syndrom even though it is not mentioned in
DMSMH.

I would suspect that this one has been used on at least a few
of the critics because of the endless rants about Miscaviage
buggering people which seem to turn up on ARS.  That might well
have its roots in some subconscious screaming about it actually
having been done by OSA agents.  But yet again, I am only guessing
here and maybe I've simply gotten carried away with a wild idea.

But it sure seems to me that OSA would have no scruples about
using black dianetics, therefore the only real question is what 
procedure are they actually following in implementing it.


8. WHAT ABOUT ME

I'm busy finding my own way out of the trap that they've
constructed.

I've gotten endless auditing during the past year.  Metered
standard tech sessions.  Informal sessions.  Phone sessions.
Endless solo, both metered and unmetered.  Including informal
Itsa, it probably adds up to over a thousand hours and includes
just about everything you could think of both in standard and
alternative metascientological approaches.

And I made tons of gains but its all around the edges and is
completely unimportant to me because the deep rooted misery
remains totally unhandled.

The OSA implant was completely out of view initially except
for some really oddball things around the edges that didn't
make any sense.  For example, there was a onetime occurance
of anal bleeding right afterwards which seemed to me at the
time to have had no cause and did not repeat and therefore
seemed totally incomprehensible.

At the beginning of January, I posted again despite the
implanted orders against it and of course they grabbed me
again and repeated the procedure.  They had, of course,
laid in a command phrase to put me back under again so that
it was easy to pick me up subsequent times.

The platen I published was the consistent part of the
incident (they got me a total of 3 times and had some sort
of command sheet that they used every time).  In addition 
to this were unique commands aimed at me specifically plus
background dialogue plus the constant crap on the TV which
they turned on purpousfully to fill the incident with additional
chatter to hide the contents.

It was loaded with suicide commands among other things and
I was fighting those endlessly during the earlier part of
this year but I always managed to circumvent them somehow
since it did not actually make sense to me analytically.
But that is why my post from January has so much discussion
of trying to run out some sort of strange link between
sex and suicide.

It wasn't until July that I got my hands on the incident
itself and managed to list out that SDH implanted command
platen (and I did that very carefully on a meter, everything
read cleanly and consistantly).

Running it made a night and day difference in my appearance
(people say I look 20 years younger), removed a horrible
blackness from around me, turned off a condition of chronic
shaking and trembling, and made everything a little bit better.

But running it did not cure me.

The homosexual rape involved still has me absolutely crazy
on having to have a woman.

Whenever I try and post, the whole thing turns on again at
maximum temporarily, including shaking fits, suicidal urges,
and a sexual despiration that is beyond description.  I experimented
recently with a series of short posts to ACT and the effect
is very distinct.

I've also talked about being in the middle age crazies and
possibly being addicted to sex as a mechanism for suppressing
loss (we never ran loss properly in Scn, it is not handled
by going clear).  All of that was there before the OSA incident
during that six month period after breaking up with my ex-wife.
But it was very low key and I was fairly comfortable and
still writing and posting and expecting that a good 2D would
show up eventually.  So those are my own case and somatics,
but the intensity level was trivial, just like that of many
guys who hit fifty and have a divorce etc.

What the OSA incident did is to jack up the volume and
intensity of that to the point of total daily misery where
there has not been one day, in fact hardly one hour during
the last year where I did not feel totaly miserable and
despirate on the sexual line.  Think of the usual horny needy
guy and then imagine that raised in intensity by ten or a
hundred to one so that it seems like a continual tidal wave
that smashes over you.  Just endless feelings of loss, dispair,
and abandonment.

I have not been able to cure that, and at this point I think
that only affectionate sex will (and affection is essential
or else I'll be pulled the other way, dramatizing the horror
of the incident instead of clearing it out of my system).
But the whole thing makes a catch-22 because the terrible
needyness and the heavy key-in interfears with finding anybody.

I have not wanted to talk about this publicly until now.
It seemed to me that it would just be too horribly depressing
to the freezone, but I can't go on like this and it seemed
to me that I had to let people know what really happened
before I left the playing field completely.

The few people that I have talked to privately about this
have been good enough to keep this secret up until now at
my request.  I have recieved a lot of aid and support, and
it is unfortunate that neither processing nor good wishes
have been enough to carry me through this successfully.

I don't think that anyone, even those close to me, have
really understood how bad its been this year.  A night
and day shift from being a major player to becoming a
broken piece lying on the battlefield.

Now I must ask all of your forgiveness for withdrawing
from the field.  There is no way for me to continue
effectively.  The future rests in your hands.


9. MY PLANS FOR A CURE

I think that I've found a way out for myself.

The whole Pilot business and Scientology and research and
posting to the net are just loaded and messed up with endless
hypnotic commands implanted by OSA.

And they want me to kill myself.

So I'm going to do a symbolic suicide of the Pilot identity
while continuing to live on in a happier role that will get
me through this.

I found out recently that I can get sideways of the sexual
misery and perhaps attract some women by playing the piano.
In fact I did a gig at a beauty pagent recently and it was
just great, attracting lots of female admiration.

So my new role in life will be to become a romantic pianist
and attractive figure who can have women easily.

The Pilot is dead.

Long live Ken the musician.

God bless and best to all of you.

I did not want to leave without telling you the full story.


Love,

Ken

formerly The Pilot

------------------
The free Self Clearing Book, The Super Scio book, and the
"SCIENTOLOGY REFORMER'S HOME PAGE" are all over the net.

See The Self Clearing Homepage for URLs to these sites
http://fza.org/pilot/selfclr.htm

Or see The Pilots Home Page at http://fza.org/pilot/index.htm

Some translations are available, see links at fza.org

Also see the new www.fzint.org website.

See the Pilot Archives at FZA.ORG.


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