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       Stardate: 20200717.1019 
       Location: Home office
       Input Device: AlphaSmart dana.wireless
       Audio: Fans, work conf call
       Visual: Vendor parsing web config on shared screen
       Emotional State: End of the week anxiety tapering off. 
       
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       Currently, my work computer is being held hostage for screen 
       sharing by one of the vendors and it is going to be awhile so 
       I decided to write.
       
       Almost had a scare with the Alphasmart dana.wireless.  The 
       battery was exhausted and the device would not power on.  I 
       had left the dana in a bag and neglected to plug it back in 
       when I got home.  I charged it some and powered it on, but 
       the device was stuck at screen calibration and the 
       touch screen was not responsive.  
       
       After a few failed attempts, I went online and searched for a 
       fix, but didn't really find one that worked.  After a few sessions of 
       soft and hard resets, touch screen and keyboard mashing, I finally got 
       the dana to go past the screen calibration and get over to the main 
       menu.  Whew...it pretty much still works, aside from the touch screen, 
       but I usually use the keyboard to navigate.  The touch screen was flaky 
       before anyways, but it used to respond.  Now it doesn't.  I just need to 
       remember to keep it plugged in to one of my raspberry pis when not 
       mobile...which provides enough juice to keep the dana charged and able 
       to retain its memories.    
       
       "Existential Dread."  I came across this term today on a t-shirt and it 
       basically sums up what has been tugging at me over the past few months.  
       I notice it daily and see that it is still there.  I think I have been 
       marinating in it.  I think that at some level, the whole world has been 
       marinating in it, whether it be existential dread, existential anxiety, 
       existential angst, existential crises, etc.  Whatever flavour.  
       
       "Why does what I do matter?"
       
       "Why does any of this matter?"  
       
       "Why am I even here doing this thing with the family, with the shelter
       in place, with the masks, with the music, with the food, with the 
       electronics, with the work, with the computer?"
       
       "Why do I dump in the gopherz, boost on the mastodon, /me on irc, 
       hax0rz da sh3llz script, tune in to dar intarwebenz basement,
       V A P O R da W A V E Z ? "
       
       "why...?  What does it all mean?" 
       
       These type of questions keep manifesting unspoken in my monkey-mind
       lately.  I know better than to grasp at them and haven't been, but they 
       keep ebbing and flowing, not dissapating like I want them to.
       
       These types of questions don't really have answers for me.  I 
       have traveled down those roads before and usually leaves me either in a 
       state of analysis paralysis or in full blown depression with still no 
       answers.  Even if I did find answers, so what then?
       
       So this existential dread and inquiries...I am aware of their 
       presense.  I know why they are here.  I know they can be draining and 
       can zap the life out of me.  I keep them at bay and at a safe distance.  
       
       So I just keep on keeping on.  I do the next indicated action.  I try 
       not to think too much.  I try not to take myself or my life 
       too seriously.  It is probably the best thing for me to do right now to 
       keep my sanity and to not cause any problems to those around me. 
       
       Again, this is all temporary, as it always is, and will soon come to 
       pass like it always does.  There is nothing new here, nothing to see, 
       move along.
       
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