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       Stardate: 20191215.1343 
       Location: Weekly Farmer's Market
       Input Device: AlphaSmart dana.wireless
       Software: AlphaWord
       Audio: a young lady busking xmas music with her guitar. 
       Visual: Farmer's Market People, coffee
       Emotional State: Surviving, -5 pts for low-grade depression
       
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       My neighbor past either last night or this morning.  I found 
       out from my daughter, who found out from my wife early this 
       morning.  I was wondering why she was practicing the piano so 
       early in the morning, especially since she had stopped taking 
       lessons about 6+ months ago.  
       
       Our neighbor was called Juju and she was the teacher of piano 
       for my children, as well as other people's children.  She 
       will be missed and I will play the piano for her when I get 
       home.
       
       I was not so close to Juju.  I would say hi to her whenever I 
       saw her, but that was about it.  I feel sad.  Her husband and 
       her dog are left next door and I want to offer my 
       condolencses, but I am not too sure on the etiquette or 
       timing with them.
       
       It's funny how a death can shake things up in people's lives.  
       Not just for the people directly involved, but the people who 
       knew and loved that person.  I am no stranger to death, but 
       it has always been something difficult.  It is probably that 
       way by design.
       
       So this death of Juju has me switching gears some in my own 
       trajectory.  I look at where I have come from and where I 
       have been heading in the immediate and it all seems petty, 
       self-centered, and self-absorbed.  I have been so 
       self-focused and catering to my "needs" that I get lost in 
       the survival of it instead of the experience of it all and I 
       become a bit absent emotionally.  It probably wouldn't be so 
       bad, if I was all by myself and alone, but I do have family 
       and friends that care about me as I do them.  And I should be 
       present for them. 
       
       So in the next few weeks prior to changing out the 2019 
       calendar, I will be slowing down, taking inventory of the 
       past year, and planning for the months to come in 2020.  The 
       practice of being present and sustaining this practice will 
       be in the forefront.  This should help bump up my emotional 
       state points. 
       
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