[=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=]
[<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>]
[=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=]
Stardate: 20190911.1809
Location: Costco SBUX
Input Device: Gemini PDA
Audio: SBUX Happy Hour Muzak
Visual: SBUX table, not making eye contact with other customers
Energy: 45%
Mental: 40%
Emotional: Stewing
[=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=]
I wanted to write about 9/11 since it is 9/11, but I feel like crap
and stewing. Stewing too long. I've been trying to do things to
cope and it helps, but I still feel like crap and it is probably
just all part of this and I just need to feel these feelings.
There is anger, frustration, injustice, confusion...just to name
a few. This is stemming from my performance review and the current
state of things with my boss. My review happened on Monday, which
didn't turn out well and there are things coming up that is
further aggrivating me in regards to this. It is pointless to
go into the detail, but I think what is important is that I
acknowledge my own thoughts, feelings, and actions. In light of
all this.
I worked from home today, so I'm glad I did not have to deal with
the craziness IRL, but unfortunately, it gave more time for review
by The Committee(tm)...you know, the one inside my head.
Well, The Committee(tm) quickly went to work slicing and dicing
my review dox and the events that had transpired and got super
busy. In the meantime, I'm stewing and the pressure is rising.
It finally got to the point where I had to exit the Executive
Board Room and find refuge elsewhere in my mind palace.
I went to the Listening Room, queued up "Anxiety Reduction" in:
my Mindwave app, and proceeded to concentrate on some work, work.
That turned out ok and I got stuff done. I was still a bit on
edge so I took a walk at lunch on one of the trails at the park.
I had the Anxiety Reduction running again and walked a bit.
I got to a clearing that had a bunch of rocks by the path. I
felt inspired to pick one up and chuck it, just throwing it
anywhere. I picked up more and threw more, hitting a cluster
of dead trees and the side of this hill.
This continued for about 30 minutes...I had the blood flowing,
the breathing going, and the energy dissipated. I thought
about going a bonus round by shaking down some dead trees, but
I had to get back.
So if you get all angry and the world has done you a disservice
'n shit, go throw some rocks or shake down some dead trees. It
might help...it did for me today.
[=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=]