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       Stardate: 20190427.1216
       Location: SBUX
       Input Device: Gemini PDA, BT Keyboard
       Software: termux/vim
       Audio: SBUX Muzak
       Visual: SBUX counter, barista, coffee drinkers
       Emotional: Recovering from being busy, uh, overcast?
       
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       It has been too busy for me lately and I've had to reinforce some 
       boundaries with what I have been agreeing/disagreeing with doing...
       with work, with family, with my own wants and needs.  It has been a 
       healthy exercise and something that I need to keep in check.  
       
       There are times where I disregard myself and stop taking care of me 
       and the things that I want and need.  Then it just turns out messy and 
       I become burnt and not fun to be around.  So over the past week or 
       so, I have said no to many requests all for the sake of taking better
       care of myself.  I have to make the most of my commitments to my
       yes's and no's these days.  I am not too effective when I don't.
       
       This has not always been the case.  Earlier on in my life, I was not
       aware of stuff like setting healthy boundaries or taking care of 
       myself.  It was mostly about the wants and needs of others, 
       especially if it was for the family or groups of other people. I
       guess that's the way I was brought up with my family of origin, you
       always thought about others ahead of yourself.  To put your wants 
       ahead of others is being selfish and is shameful.  Not like survival
       or basic needs kinda stuff, but personal wants kind of stuff.  
       
       For example, today it has been requested that I make an appearance 
       at my cousin's birthday party with my family.  Before, I would show up 
       without thinking to much about it, even though I feel burnt out and 
       still recovering from being on call over the past couple of weeks.  
       Before, I would be expected to go and I would just comply because of 
       family obligations...even though we already celebrated his birthday 
       earlier this week.  If I did not show up, it would be a bad thing(tm), 
       not just for the family's impression of me, but for my perception of
       myself and would feel shame for letting down the family.
       
       Instead, I took care of myself and kindly turned down the request
       with no baggage attached to that decision imposed by myself or by 
       others.  It has taken a lot of work to get to this point and I seem 
       to be having some success with it.
       
       These days, I have been taking strides at de-programming myself of
       these kinds of unproductive scripts from my past and have been 
       setting better boundaries for myself.  It is important for myself
       and everybody around me.  Some don't really understand and quite 
       frankly, it's not really any of my business that they understand.
       What is important is that I understand and my intentions are true.
       
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