___
         |_  |
           | | __ _ _ __   __ _ _ __   ___  ___  ___
           | |/ _` | '_ \ / _` | '_ \ / _ \/ __|/ _ \
       /\__/ / (_| | |_) | (_| | | | |  __/\__ \  __/
       \____/ \__,_| .__/ \__,_|_| |_|\___||___/\___|
                   | |
                   |_|
       
       
       June 5, 2020
       At the grocery store near my apartment, there's a small desserts 
       section. I currently live and work in Japan, and so most of the items
       in this section are traditional Japanese desserts, and my favorite is
       this thing called a manjuu. It's an almost saucer-shaped item, with
       an outer "shell" made from flour and rice powder, surrounding an 
       inner filling like redbean paste. It makes for this really unique 
       contrast of flavors and textures, with a solid, toothsome exterior 
       giving way to a kind of fluffy, creamy interior. If you ever have the 
       chance to get one, I highly recommend it.
        
       
 (DIR)  Check out some manjuu
       
       
          .. ___                  
           I'    `~~~,____,.    
           I      .__.      /     
           I     (MMMM)    /      
           I     (MMMM)   |      
           I     '*~~*'   (      
           I,~'""`~,,__   \   
           I           `""``
           I
           I
        
        
        
       I've only lived in Japan for about a year, but I've studied Japanese
       for the last five to six years. Am I fluent? Not at all, no, but I 
       feel I can navigate myself fairly well around a conversation, as long 
       as it's not too complex or jargon-filled. 
       
       
       Like many language learners, the twists and turns that the language 
       presents have at various times fascinated, confused, and frustrated; 
       but up until very recently, I always accepted them as just a part of 
       the language, something not to be questioned, but embraced, in order toErr
       improve.
       
       
       Recently, though, I've been thinking a lot about language not as a 
       skill, or something to be learned, but as a tool, or something to be 
       used. When you boil it down, that's really all it is, right?--not 
       unlike a hammer, the speaker uses it to accomplish a task more 
       difficult without it, but this task is expressing thoughts, not 
       driving nails.
       
       
       But not all tools are built the same; recently, as I've been using 
       Japanese pretty frequently, I find myself really disliking this tool. 
       At its core, Japanese is remarkably specific. A few examples:
       
       * It has numerous ways to say "you" based on the speaker's gender,
       the listener's gender, the listener's relation to the speaker, and if
       the speaker is irritated or angry
       * It has four words for "rice," depending on the rice's level of
       maturity and processing
       * It has specific terms to refer to (what I feel are) remarkably 
       specific, obscure concepts, like 24 traditional seasons that are each 
       2 weeks long, various local strains of rice, etc.
       
       
       However, the grammar can also be remarkably vague. Remember all those 
       forms of "you"? You likely won't hear them, as most speakers don't
       use subjects in their sentences, and especially not pronouns. 
       
       
       Moreover, when spoken by Japanese individuals, the language becomes 
       an even more remarkably vague thing. Much like the manjuus I 
       mentioned before, their speech tends to have an outward layer that's
       presented to the listener, masking one's true inner feelings.
       Strongly emotional terms like "love" or "hate" are often watered down
       into "really like" and "don't like very much." The society also tends
       to avoid outward conflict, so many speakers will communicate 
       criticism or negative feeling not through words, but through verbal 
       hesitation or non-verbal cues - or may not even communicate it at all.
       
       
       With time, I've started to dislike expressing myself in Japanese.
       It's painful, twisted, and convoluted; it requires so much intonation,
       body language, honorific verb conjugations, and understatement; and 
       sometimes, I've found that communicating certain ideas just isn't
       possible. 
       
                                                         
                                                         
        .,   ,,eeeEEEEEe.            qQQp                
         \EP***''   HHHHP`            H!   ,        
         |E           HHH'         _,eeHhoOQQQb 
         |E           HH*     `HHP**;ZHHb            
         |E   .,eEEEHHH;      *   .E*H!\Q\          
         |E\EP**''  HHH;        /E*  H! \Q,, 
         |E          HHH      ./E;  ,HHher\QQQ,.    
        )E;          dHH;   .ep*  \HP;H`    \QQQQ\    
        (E; .,,,eeEEEHHH             (H;      `      
         \EEP**`   `*HH;             HH              
                     `                *             
        
       
       
       But here's the question: is it right for me to be frustrated by this? 
       Is it okay for me to prefer using a different, less vague language? 
       What about the fact that my native language, English, has its own 
       vagaries, too? Am I wrong for caving and staying within my safe zone? 
       
       
       For me, readers, the jury's still out. But it's getting late, and I'm 
       getting tired, so I'll just finish this manjuu and leave the thinking
       until tomorrow.
        
       
       --EOF--