I've been thinking a lot, lately, about identity and the Internet.
I feel like I should get my thoughts down for posterity and for a
bit of rubber ducking.
The things is, I've always felt like there were two "me"s: real
life me (Brian) and online me (echosa). I've tried to keep online
me somewhat private-ish and separate from IRL me. The things is,
lately I've been becoming more public online, largely due to having
started regularly streaming on Twitch. That's really the cause of
this whole line of thought, because I now find myself wondering:
Is there any difference between Brian and echosa anymore?
After a lot of thought and consideration, I've come to the conclusion
that, no, the two are now one and the same. Internet searching is
a thing, and because I wasn't careful enough for the past decade,
there's no unlinking my two identities. I'm coming to terms with
this, slowly, as it honestly makes me a bit nervous to realize that
what little bit of separation and anonymity I had is (and always
was) a lie to myself.
Several questions arise, then, from this realization. Should I have
made a bigger effort to keep my identities separate and secure? Do
I have anything to worry about? Should I scrap it all and start
over? Am I over-thinking this? (I over-think things all the time.)
That said, by no means do I plan to go plastering all my info
everywhere echosa exists. However, I'm trying to find the fine line
between not posting *anything* and posting *everything*. Phone
number? Nope, not going to happen. Real name? Why not, at this
point? Photo? ... This one is tough. My face is already on Twitch,
yet for some reason, I still feel some hang-ups when it comes to
having my face online *everywhere*. I don't know why, but it's
true. Probably just some psychological issue I need to work through.
I'll add it to the queue. I can't deny that Brian and echosa are
one and the same now, yet it is difficult for me to completely
admit and accept. Again, I have no idea why. (Thanks, brain. As if
I needed something else to be neurotic about.)
There's just something inherently frightening about being known in
a place that is known for being (somewhat) anonymous. Welcome to
the Internet, where trust is a luxury.