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Day 4

"The objection to conforming to usages that have become dead 
to you is, that it scatters your force." -Emerson

What pieces of your old identity do you hold onto that are no 
longer serving you or you no longer believe in 
wholeheartedly? Are they worth letting go of?

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This one is an easy one since I wrote about it some a few 
entries ago.  The part of my old identity that is no longer 
serving me is my teenage self.  Yeah, it's pretty 
broad...there is a lot of that going on there.  Well, one of 
the main parts is the irresponsibility.  This is the one that 
has to go.  It causes me too much trouble that what it is 
worth.  Stuff like paying bills late even though I have the 
cash.  Staying up too late way too often doing what I want to 
do.  Flaking on committments.  Not showing up for other 
people.  Not showing up for me.  The list can go on and on.

How am I going to go about doing that?  Well...maybe the 
first step is the recognition that I have a problem with the 
irresponsibility of my teenaged self.  I should take 
inventory of where I notice these things and maybe get some 
feedback from other people.  Then take a look at the  data 
and come up with a plan of action for each one.  Progress 
should be tracked and evaluated for each one.   Ugh...sounds 
like work.  Well, I guess I get points for applying work 
practices in other parts of my life.

The teenaged habits seem to come out the most when I am at 
home or when I don't  have to account to nobody.  At work, I 
tend to behave.  When other adults are present and hold me 
accountable.  It's the unstructured down time that I struggle  
with.  At home, it's not that bad.  I do have to have some 
semblance of being an adult.  Well, until the family is asleep 
or away.  When they are around, I feel the teen in me just 
planning, scheming for some opportunity to be irresponsible.  
To go do something stupid like watch a naughty movie or go 
eat some really bad take out food that I should not be 
eating.  Or even more extreme, eat naughty food while 
watching naughty movies!  Yeah, my existance is pretty lame 
at this point in my life.  I think I have too much awareness 
of the consequences of my behavior.  I guess that's what 
happens when you start getting older.  

Well, that's 20.

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