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  DATE : 2019.02.13
  TIME : 05:33
AUTHOR : SNOWCRASH@SDF.ORG
  MOOD : MAINTAINING
 TITLE : DEPRESSION & DOLLY

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I know that I am suffering from mild to moderate depression
that I am holding at bay with pure force of will, old Catholic
shame and an ingrained 50's sense of what a "man" should be from
my parents and grandparents (Strong, silent type, etc.).  But I
have to say, the effort can be exhausting. Now, as much as I have
these preconceived notions built into my psyche, I am not of that
generation. I am not afraid to see out help, but my profession is
one that doing so would harm certain prospects.

I can't go into more about that, but suffice it to say, it hinders
me from pursuing certain treatment paths. Now, I could go down
the path of zoloft, I used to have a prescription for that for
a non-depression related treatment, and it did a bang up job of
dulling everything, but I don't want to be an unfeeling robot.
And let me tell you, getting off zoloft, the brain shudders, is
not pleasant.

All of this has a tendency to wear on a person.  But today
I pulled the trigger and bought a Dolly Parton greatest hits
albumn. I had watched a movie recently that featured her music
(Dumplin) and had done some research into here. Turns out, see
seems to be a pretty amazing person that is universally loved.

So fuck it, I bought one of here albumns.  I am a classic
rock/metal type of person, about as far from country as you can
get. But let me tell you, this woman's voice can wail. And for
some reason, whether its her voice, the music, I don't know, it's
making me feel better.

I think I might need to undertake a music quest for artists /
albumns / songs that have a positive effect on my mood. If it can 
help make this easier maybe it's a worthwhile undertaking.

-Snowcrash

¯\_(ツ)_/¯