If God Were a Programmer
                           Author Unknown

   Some of you programmers expressed irritation about being described
   as eccentric in last week's top ten list. To placate you, we
   present an excerpt from some e-mail forwarded to us by one of our
   engineers...

   Some important theological questions can best be answered by
   thinking of God as a computer programmer:

   Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
   A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy
      bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his
      girlfriend had left him.

   Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
   A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically
      and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise,
      things can wait until tomorrow.

   Q: How come the Age of Miracles ended?  
   A: That was the development phase of the project. Now we're in the
      maintenance phase.

   Q: Who is Satan?

   A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than
      he actually possesses, so nonprogrammers become scared of
      him. God thinks he's irritating but irrelevant.

   Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
   A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.

   Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
   A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a
      common word, or a date like your birthday.

   Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
   A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just
      get off his back and let him program.

   Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
   A: They are much more likely to receive e-mail.