[    2026.04.04 ]
[ a new record! ]

imagine: this, the third full journal entry to this phlog in a calendar year. 
it marks a new record! {cue "you win" audio from Street Fighter II}

probably i had something to say here. only glorb knows what. things have 
been going pretty well, overall... i think. my first order of estradiol 
should arrive on Monday (2 days from now). i'm excited. i know it will be
slow-going to start, but that doesn't mean beginning isn't still exciting.

i had my helix piercing replaced today. it failed to heal the first time
around, because i started with a hoop, but could not keep it still in the 
ear. this time, just a titanium post with flat discs, snug to the ear. once
it heals, i can return to a hoop. i was looking at some of the jewelry they
have at the piercing parlor, and i think probably sooner than later i'll
be getting my lobes pierced as well. and one nostril. trying to go slowly, 
for my wifepartner. maybe i have mentioned it here before, but she is 
autistic. she's been having trouble processing change lately. i worry about 
her, or rather for her. still, all considered it's probably better for my
physical health to go one piercing at a time, let myself heal up, then add
as desired. same for ink, of which i would also like more.

other good news: weight is down slightly. about 20 lbs down from my max
historical weight, but most notably i am able to get my wedding ring on
again. it's been... a few years, at least, since i could wear it. it has been
slow going, but again, slow seems to be the name of the game. gentle
forward movement. 

some other things i've been thinking about lately. names, mostly. as in,
do i want a new one? how important is that to me and why (or why not)?
but i will leave that, for now. i have about three hours of audio that i 
have cleaned up from voice recordings that i made last week while traveling
for work. some "good" stuff in there, but i will need to listen to it 
again to select what is worth putting to paper, er, phlog. 

one thing i do feel might be important to put to words right now, though,
is regarding names. or rather, regarding others' perceptions of me. one 
of the most surprising things i've discovered since coming out is how much 
the self-acceptance has impacted my attitude. i feel more comfortable going
out of the house, almost always in makeup. subtle makeup, sometimes, but
always mascara, usually eyeshadow. and it goes without saying, but always
primer + foundation. it feels... different. nicer. i expected it to feel
scary, or that people would react badly, maybe even violently. turns out,
most human interactions i've had lately have been downright pleasant. 
particularly with women. go figure, i guess? this is a new observation 
so maybe i should return to it later after reflection. but to the inital
point: it feels to me like i may want a different name, and maybe some time
in the future i will feel more strongly about pronouns. right now, i 
really don't care how other people see me, or even what they call me. 
philosophically, this makes sense to me. why should i care about the glyphs
and runic symbols used to identify me? about which mouth-sounds people 
expel to identify me to themselves? dunno. stuff feels pretty ok right 
now and i'm trying to enjoy that when and while i can.

bye for now,
peachfiend



aka... Rahab? 
that one really sticks with me, but it's... well, biblical, very west-asian,
and pretty dorky.