WEDDING THOUGHTS (Posted 2007-11-07 15:00:03 by ArchPaladin) A number of people have asked me lately whether I'm excited or nervous about getting married soon. I am and I'm not. I'm nervous about getting all the wedding plans settled so that the day runs smoothly, and that's about it. Getting married has been a little while in the making, so I like to think that I'm approaching marriage itself level-headed. In reality, I think the nervousness about the day masks any of the rest of the excitement that I would be feeling. What I find a little odd has been the reaction of my friends. Some were excited that I (and my fiancee, as most of them know her as well) was getting married, but most have been reserved or concerned. They're concerned that we haven't spent enough time together or settled into a life together for long enough yet (even though we've been together for three years and jointly bought a condo). Or they're concerned that some major life circumstance will occur and that we will find ourselves stuck in a relationship that we don't really want. Or some other kind of "have you _really_ thought this through?" and "what if?" type scenario. Or, for my friends who don't really believe in marriage at all, we've just heard a lot of silence. It's hard to know how to react to this. Mostly I just get annoyed. I want to tell people to go away, that we are both adults and can work through all this stuff by ourselves. I want to tell them that I think they are projecting their fears of marriage and commitment onto our relationship. They haven't committed to a long-term relationship (and are not even trying to find one right now) and so they're not in a position to be giving advice or concern. I want to tell them that even beyond relationship issues I think they are not good with commitment in any area of life. They try to speak from a position of power and accomplishment when they really haven't sacrificed or done any hard work to attain that accomplishment, and a really just putting on a show. That they should leave us alone because we're on the right path and they can't see it because they're going somewhere else. I want to tell them a lot of things like that, but I realize that I would be speaking out of anger, and that would be unbecoming. It would be brash and tactless. And though some of it may be true, I couldn't say any of it without being hypocritical. We are all walking in the dark together; who's to say their concerns are unfounded? So after thinking about it some more, I see it from a different perspective. The fact that they are concerned and that my fiancee and I are not really comes down to a difference in faith. The relationship that my fiancee and I have with God gives us an entirely different view of the future and of life in general. Consider these: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -- Jeremiah 29:11 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. -- 2 Timothy 1:7 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -- Romans 8:28 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= And there are many more that speak about love, courage, hope, and all those other virtuous-type things that we look at as part of an ideal life - so many things that I could not list them here. My fiancee and I know them to be correct. We have lived them and can give examples of their truth from our own lives. The kind of love and hope we have allows us to act - not in the half-hearted, I-hope-this-works-and-I'll-complain-when-it-doesn't shooting in the dark that describes so much of mankind's endeavors, but to really _act_ and move with surety of where we're planting our feet. I can imagine that looking really foreign and uncomfortable to people who didn't share the same mindset. Both our surety and other people's discomfort applies to marriage and relationships just as much as it does any other aspect of life. And since marriage happens to be what my fiancee and I are heading toward, I can see why people might be nervous or concerned. They don't have the same perspective as we do. So is there a rightness or superiority of one perspective over another? I happen to think my own is the correct one, but that is expected. The only way to know for sure is for my friends and I to go our own ways for a while and see who is coming out ahead. So for my fiancee and I, we will get married and live our life with our spiritual perspective. For my concerned friends, they can go their own way if that's what they want to do. Nevertheless, when they look at our life in the future and see that we are living happy and full, I will point them back to this time and this post and tell them that my fiancee and I did nothing except follow God and receive the blessings we were offered. In the meantime, I will hold my tongue. I must realize that while God has addressed all my concerns, other people continue to struggle with their own. I will do my best to show them the surety that I have by the life that I lead, and perhaps they will choose to follow along with me. At any rate, I don't suppose it's too much to ask that they be supportive and not condemning. -------- There is 1 comment on this post: Comment #1 by Colie ( ivetriedtoforget@yahoo.com ) on 2007-11-09 14:20:16 So I can understand and relate to a lot of the things that you're saying in here. I think the thing that has kept me from being really upset, I want rip someones head off is the knowledge that, they are concerned because they love us. It would be great if they could be more supportive and stand behind us but at the very least their action are based off of love. And of course you and I will do what we want to and they will do what they will and in the future when we're still happy and our lives aren't ruined it will show we did the right thing. ::hugs::