# 2025-03-12

Some thoughts about masculinity and domestic labor...

I know a lot of men who don't take on a fair share of mental load. Their conception of what makes a man a man is based on being a provider, whatever that means.

My definition of masculinity is also being a provider, but with a loose, flexible definition of 'provide.'

Providing goes beyond material needs. Men (fathers, husbands) should also provide:

- Mental space
- Empathy
- Partnership

There's also not a small number of men I know who rate their performance of husband/father by their willingness to do violence to defend their family.  I have found that doing the fucking dishes has done far more for my family's day-to-day well-being than preparing for home defense.

It's not that that isn't valuable or important. It's just, by several orders of magnitude, not something I need to do to increase my family's well-being.

For every dry-fire drill you do, you'd be better off looking around your living room and finding some garbage that needs to be thrown away.