월요일 2026년1월5일	-	Disappointment

Seneca - De Tranquillitate animi (On the Tranquillity of the Mind)

	Diffidence drives its torments inwards, the desires,
	confined in a narrow space from wich there is no escape,
	choke one another; hence come grief and melancholy and the
	thousand fluctations of an uncertain mind, held in
	suspense by early hopes and the nreduced to sandess once
	they fail to materialize...this causes the bitterest
	feelings of jealousy of other men's successes.

I recognize this man.  He is myself, to a certain degree, but yes, I see
this frustration, disappointment, and even shame over unrealized desires
and dreams in myself. I see how my own failings and weaknesses caused
them to be unfilfilled and finally to wither and die as I aged and became
less capable of maintaining the hope that they could still come to
fruition. And the inevitable feelings that follow such disappointment, of
inadequacy for myself and jealousy of others. I am a small man made
smaller by these petty jealousies.

But, what is the lesson here? From what I understand, there are three:

First, that this sentiment is misguided in it's focus, which ought to be
on refining my own person and not reproducing another. Sure, other people
can be a source of inspiration, but it needs to be incorporated into a
vision for who I am and want to be, not a direct emulation.

Second, being mired in regret about the past is not only a useless
exercise given our inability to change it, but directly harms our present
interests by tying up time and mental resources that could otherwise be
directed towards improving the present. Anything more than a simple
review of the past for lessons learned and motivation is a lost
opportunity for self-improvement.

And finally, the root of this disorder is musguided desires, since right
desires are always within our reach, ones that are present focused and
within our power. It is only wrong desires, those that hang upon
circumstances that we cannot determine with our own choices that can be
trapped in the past and cause us regret. Letting go of these desires
frees us from both vain hope they come to pass or regret when they do
not.