Sat Dec 31 04:06:51 UTC 2022


=========================================
#
# Location: Home - The computer closet
# Input Device: Home Mac
# Audio: Andor a TV Show
# Visual: empty plate and a half full beer
# Energy: high
# Mental: fuzzy
# Emotional: depressed mostly
#
=========================================

There's a different kind of sadness and loneliness creeping 
about. I've been sad and I've been lonely before but this is a 
bit different. Thanks to meditation, self reflection, and a nice 
time away in Minneapolis, that I should journal sometimes soon, 
there's been some awakening. Essentially I am coming to realize 
that I am experiencing dissatisfaction with the current depth of  
my relationships. I couldn't quite grasp it last year and thought  
it was a desire to move away into the wilderness or away from  
here. Now though I can tell that it is a discomfort that can be 
soothed, but will require some efforts.  
 
Work associates that I want to consider friends I need to make an 
effort to do something with them outside of the office.  Getting 
coffee or lunch is superficial relationship building. This is the 
kind of relationship that the managers like to cultivate.  For 
other friends I need to be more assertive on my views and 
feelings. Also need to try and keep up some personal exchanges 
and events. I think that the beer crew is the best group I have 
today. I have come to care deeply for all of them. Slowly but 
surely. I hope that this new personal CRM kind of tool helps. 
It's called Monica https://github.com/monicahq/monica  

I think I'll have another drink and go on to bed.