Oh threats need to be dealt with. To me, that's right in the
   moment if possible.

   Saying "Thank You" is not a wimpy act. It is an act of defiance:
   *you did not get me to emotionally react*. Say thank you, stand
   your ground. It's not for everybody. You have to be strongly
   willed to do it.

   Saying thank you without smugness and waiting for their next
   response can result in further insults. It can result in a
   punch. In that case, you punch back. You run away. You choose
   your response.

   And again... this is for low-key bullying. There are many
   levels.

   My first response is: Take them literally. Act as if they have
   the best of intentions for you and are just saying it wrong.

   It works in a good portion of cases because of a strange thing:
   A *lot* of bullies _want friends_ but don't know how to make
   friends properly. But they *do* know how to mock.

   Many times someone is a bully and doesn't know it. They pick on
   someone because they like them, not realizing that the person
   they pick on cries in their pillow at night or is shocked when
   they react to built-up pressures inside and have a rage
   response.

   My main concern that I deal with is low-key first level. The
   individual bully against a victim. Remove the bully victim
   categories and change them into friends with a misunderstanding.

   The dynamics change. There is a possibility of friendship.

   why did that person single you out to call you that name?

   There's something about you that is interesting to them.

   Find out what that is.

   Now, this does NOT work with groups of three or more, unless you
   focus on the leader. You have to be saavy and ignore the "me
   toos" of the others.

   It's social engineering. Kids have to do it daily from 2nd/3rd
   grade onwards, usually out of the radar of the adult world.

   I learned to navigate it young. I have a system that works and
   I've taught many on an informal basis.. But it doesn't work as
   well with groups in real life. The dynamics are different. Much
   different.

   I don't like groups. I focus on individuals and showing people
   how to remove the labels from themselves by seeing them as EMPTY
   words and _not_ trying to attach words like BULLY on the person
   doing the undesirable thing and VICTIM on yourself.

   Words _can_ have meaning but they don't *have* to.

   You can render somebody else's "intent" COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS
   by changing the definitions for yourself. It's extraordinarily
   powerful.

   I've also never seen a collective solution to this problem. I
   don't believe it exists. Maybe you've found it, and I hope you
   have and I hope it works. To me, the soldiers are individuals
   and have to have the power to choose good actions in the heat of
   the moment and need an arsenal to work with. Empowerment of
   fortitude. Empowerment of becoming unflappable. All learnable
   skillsets. None of them perfect.

   You can't control what happens to you. But you can control your
   response.