What if people bought cars like they buy computers?

HELPLINE:  General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
CUSTOMER:  I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!
HELPLINE:  Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
CUSTOMER:  What's an ignition?
HELPLINE:  It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
           turns over the engine.
CUSTOMER:  Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all
           these technical terms just to use my car?

HELPLINE:  General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
CUSTOMER:  My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!
HELPLINE:  Is the gas tank empty?
CUSTOMER:  Huh? How do I know!?
HELPLINE:  There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and
           markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?
CUSTOMER:  It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?
HELPLINE:  It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase
           some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the
           vendor to install it for you.
CUSTOMER:  WHAT!? I paid $20,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have
           to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with
           everything built in! 

HELPLINE:  General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
CUSTOMER:  Your cars suck!!!
HELPLINE:  What's wrong?
CUSTOMER:  It crashed, that's what went wrong!
HELPLINE:  What were you doing?
CUSTOMER:  I wanted it to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all
           the way to the floor. It worked for awhile, and then it crashed
           and now it won't start!
HELPLINE:  It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you
           expect us to do about it?
CUSTOMER:  I want you to send me one of the latest versions you have, one
           that won't crash anymore.

HELPLINE:  General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
CUSTOMER:  Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
           has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering,
           power brakes,and power door locks.
HELPLINE:  Thanks for buying our car. Now, how can I help you?
CUSTOMER:  How do I work it?
HELPLINE:  Do you know how to drive
CUSTOMER:  Do I know how to what?
HELPLINE:  Do you know how to drive?
CUSTOMER:  I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!