28 April 2026 Tuesday

i was too tired to write yesterday. i am still slogging
through the effects of this illness. i may end up needing
to go to urgent care for antibiotics to clear this sinus
infection, but i will wait a bit as i don't like taking
them if i don't have to. i know i should try an herbal
steam, i have many books on herbal medicine and did a 
year long certification course at a community college in
2020. i felt very alive when i was working with plants so
closely so consistently. i find that the work i do now, 
while fulfilling (hopefully i am making a difference in
the lives of the children and young people and families
that i work with) leaves me feeling disconnected from 
myself in the end. i don't have time...i don't make time
to prepare my herbal teas and medicinal preparations. i
do make a face oil with essential oils that is very 
grounding for me. e likes it a lot too, and i sold a 
few bottles of it a few years ago, but i have such a 
hard time trying to sell things.

i had my second to last session of this pottery class
this evening immediately after work. i was really hoping
to make just one more item i could be proud of, and glaze
next session. i tried three balls of clay and flopped them
all. i would have liked to try one more but we ran out, and
the instructor was working on a piece, and i had already 
asked for two more after botching my first one. i know, 
and remember, that it takes much repeitition and patience
to get anywhere with pottery. it can be done quickly but
never hurriedly, i think. and i was throwing with too much
desperation today. i can be glad that i managed to center
three balls of clay. and though i poked through the bottom
of my little vase from last time while trying to trim it, 
i did a little surgery, so there's a chance it will make it
through firing. we'll see. there is a makerspace here, and
i may join if it turns out i remain here for the time being.

life feels very unmoored. 

e should arrive home tomorrow, he says. he called very distraught
because he tried to rescue a turtle that had been crushed in the
road and was told there was no saving the creature. then he 
stopped to try to move another turtle out of the road and the
people behind him honked and veered around him and crushed that
poor turtle. also, he says there was a tornado yesterday and a
huge branch fell on his friend's house while he was over there.
thankfully nobody was hurt and there was no major damage. also
also, he said his mother's rescue dog he has a feud with bit him,
and ripped his pants and drew blood. 

i spent most of the day at the office catching up on notes. i 
went for one session with my work partner to meet a new kid. 
they're all such bright little constellations.