11 April 2026 Saturday

continued to work on the video art gear case today 
and revamped a couple of my rolling racks. the tall 
one is now a tower of three 12in and one 17in crt 
tvs. i also have two large (26in?) crts, and a huge
pvm (professional video monitor). all were either 
given to me through friends or i found for free
through online listings, except for the 13in white
panasonic omnivision tv/vcr, which was the first crt
i bought since i decided to get into video art a few
years back. i picked it up from an older man who had
a garage overflowing with dusty electronics. 

i acknowledge that this is really too many crt tvs,
especially since we are really struggling with space
issues. the verticalizing with the rack does help a 
lot, but it's still extremely clunky in our living 
room. each of them gives a different flavor of 
video feedback, which also varies depending on the
combination of tv and camera or handicam.

i played a bit of guitar for the first time in a 
couple weeks, as i've been trying to let my left
index finger heal. i can definitely feel that it 
caused some strain, so i guess i better continue to
lay off. it's hard, because i'm afraid of losing 
progress, and i was being really consistent about
practicing every day, until this injury. 

it can be difficult for two people to try to 
translate their minds to one another. sometimes i 
feel like i'm watching e and i from outside of 
myself, as we each say the same words in loops and 
loops, as if this time the key will turn. 

i think usually it's emotional connection that 
allows us to break out of it, more than 
intellectual agreement. one or the other of us 
will look at the other, and it lands somehow. 
and then instead of ice and ire, there will 
suddenly be softness and warmth and 
glowingness again, and then we can reach for
each other. tired.