a.. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

 b.. 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

 c.. Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

 d.. You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and
     not you

 e.. Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the
     bodies.

 f.. You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT

 g.. Forget world peace. visualize using your turn signal.

 h.. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

 i.. Grow your own dope, plant a man

 j.. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

 k.. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot
     them.

 l.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

 m.. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

 n.. The more you complain, the longer God makes you lie.

 o.. Out of my mind...Back in fie minutes

 p.. Hang up and drive.

 q.. If you can read this, please flip me back over... (seen upside
     down, on a Jeep)

 r.. Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.

 s.. GUYS: No shirt, no service. GALS: No shirt, no charge.

 t.. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"

 u.. Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

 v.. Boldly going nowhere

 w.. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

 x.. Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by
     itself.

 y.. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

 z.. Just because your head is pointed, doesn't mean you're sharp.

aa.. Some people just don't know how to drive.

ab.. I call these people "Everybody But Me".

ac.. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

ad.. Driver legally blond.