## 46 Who am I ?  

That's a good question and you, dear reader, you may have an answer based on your feelings and how you imagine me. I'm conscious of who I am but is it the truth. Where is the real me ? Philosophy often ask that type of question as many psychologists. I don't live to know that because there are no answers, or better... not a single answer.

We are a bit how the others see us. I mean in reality, not here in a blog. We have an image, sometimes different with our family than for our neighbours, our friends, our colleagues. We are all that. I am all those "Iceman", a kind of collection of avatars with the same look but a differente meaning. Sometimes I feel myself like an imposter, someone who is lying, trying to show a better part of him than he is in reality. Of course, a blogger is often an imposter because I'm not that guy you imagine in front of your screen. But I always feel bad after a compliment. That's not false modesty, that's only a part of me, of my imposter syndrom. 

Recently, an old colleague said really kind words about me. That's not the first time but I was also criticized sometimes because I wes not in the right place, not doing well what I had to do. Were they all wrong ? I know how bad, how angry I can be, how stupid I can be sometimes so I know...who I am. I am what I am, said a song. I know some of my darkest sides, buried deep down inside. And my wife knows also other things on me. She criticizes me and she's also right. It's not pleasant but it also defines me. I know better who I am but we are often speaking to become the best version of us. Is it possible to be better ? Better for what ? Better for who ? 

Too much questions and we must live for ourselves first, not always for the others. To sacrifice his own life to the others is not the best thing to do. I have heroes and heroinds who did that, apparently. But if you know them better, you realize that they are not the people you had in mind. Bad behaviors with males or females, selfishness or egocentrism? I have a lot of examples. I remember myself some bad behavior I had in certain moment of the past and I'm not proud of it. To remember that does perhaps a better version of me. But I still don't know who I am. Does it matter ? It depends of the moments of my life. Just look at that and guess who I am...or who are you ? 

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