__________________________________________________

             MY SON HATES PARTIES AND VACATIONS. THIS BLOG
                        HELPED ME UNDERSTAND WHY

                                   GP
           __________________________________________________


                            <2026-08-22 Sat>


S, my 14-yo son, hates parties. Ever since forever. When he was a small
kid, he would get absolutely stressed over the music, the noise and I
think even the mere presence of people. No cake, no toys, nothing was
enough to compensate his dislike for parties.

When he was a little older, say 9 or 10, he was often invited to the
birthday parties of his school mates. He usually didn't want to go, but
we've been told that some socializing outside of school was good for
him, so we pushed hard, and kinda forced him to go to many of those,
with the idea (the hope?) that he was going to enjoy himself once there.

And usually he did. But after a lot of effort by him and some of the
adults. And after a lot of time. The trip back home would be full of
"did you see that you enjoyed the party?"-conversations. And he would
agree emptily, more like avoiding the conversation, than actually
agreeing to it.

Something similar happens during our vacation trips. No matter how
amazing and exciting the place and the activities, he would spend a lot
of time complaining about anything and everything. He can connect with
the activities there, but having to is a pain in the ass for him. At
times it seemed to me that he could enjoy the trip, but that somehow _he
decided not to_. "Decided", as in intentionally. [I re read the previous
sentence, and can't help but feel cruel].

He's said recently (that he can argument better for his ideas) that he
prefers to stay at home, "a place where he is used to all the things",
and "where he doesn't need to fake who he is". I mean, I understand the
words, of course I do, but I didn't understand the meaning. "Faking who
he is"? To whom? If we're usually only the 3 or 4 of us during those
trips. "Being used to the things around"? Are there that many new things
in a hotel?

I admit that understanding, really grasping, some of these things has
been difficult for me. Sometimes I think I can put some logic into his
thinking, but two minutes later I can't seem to have forecast his
behavior. And I can't help but see my patience grow thin, most likely
out of frustration and my own problem with losing control.

But I'm always looking for clues that help me understand him better. Not
that I haven't tried him to teach me, of course I have, more like I feel
sometimes he can't quite articulate what he has to say. Like describing
a flavor and not finding the words to do it.

An then I bumped into this blog
<https://blighttown.bearblog.dev/a-fairly-crass-and-imperfect-metaphor-i-keep-returning-to/>
and understood a little bit more of what S may be thinking and feeling.
A 40-yo has killed some ghosts along the years, has acquired more
language and eloquence, and has shed the shame of disappointing others.
And that helps putting words into a complex and elusive idea.

      "...the worst part would be watching the other people at the
      table enjoying themselves. And you could not join in the
      moment and connect with them. You could not enjoy yourself.
      And really, you couldn't even explain why being at a
      restaurant would be so awful. At best you might just confuse
      them. At worst, you might actually make them uncomfortable."

And the final sentence:

      "The older I get, the less I feel like I will ever arrive at
      a solution. I think I will need to learn to make peace with
      being alone."

Perhaps I, the father, will need to learn no make peace with S being
alone.