The full moon passed, the energy
is calming down. My daughter is
back in the country, my home
retreat is coming to an end.

The high of last weekend is still
lingering in me. I didn't party,
but the making of and the sweat
lodge ceremony was intense,
different, aligned with what I
want to be. Coming back to day to
day work isn't easy.

My emotional body is calm, dreams
have been comforting and
soothing. While driving
yesterday, I realized, I don't
want to be in a relationship
right now. I was trying to
convince myself, it's going to be
great, my next girlfriend will be
awesome, all fun!

The problem isn't the
other. I'm sure there are a lot
of awesome girls around. Right
now, if I'd get into a
relationship, it would be all
about the other. I'd loose myself
once more, praising, caring,
loving the other. My soul right
now, wants some attention. This
place deep inside me, wants to
cultivate, grow, expand, evolve.

Once this inner garden will be
well cared for, maybe then I can
look outside of me. Looking for
someone with a similar garden,
that would let me cultivate mine.

I want more of this, more home
retreat, self care, sweat lodge,
training and meditation. More
music, drawing, writing, more
dreams. I'm just getting back
into my dreaming, and it takes a
good amount of energy and focus.

With my work, my daughter, the
house and the land, there isn't a
lot of time or energy left for
someone else. It feels good to
clarify this, it puts my mind at
ease, and excite my soul!