Dreaming about a house that is on
fire. It's not my house, but I am
helping putting out the
fire. It's not difficult, and I
visit a room or the other, check
how the fire is going and
extinguishing it partly. The
house is going to be okay, I just
need to manage the fire until
it's done.

I feel this is connected to my
healing. One thing that surfaces
right now is my body. The small
pains and hurts that I am not
caring for are coming to the
surface. My left side, left leg,
my descending colon, left armpit
all need some care. My teeth, my
neck, I got a nerve stuck in my
right arm. My thumb is a bit
numb. All this care for my body,
and then there is the mental and
emotional that needs care too.

I read a book yesterday during
the night. It's a book from
Castaneda on Silence. They start
in the introduction talking about
learning sorcery, the best term
that Don Juan could come up with.
He said how there is nothing to
learn, but simply gathering one's
energy to be able to change your
energy field and become able to
see the unseen. The purpose of
the teacher is to convince the
student of their own power. The
real learning happens once the
student can see, and then the
intuitive, silent learning
starts.

I am thinking about my own
cultivation of energy. In the
last many years, I preferred to
waste my energy, mostly through
sexual practice, but also through
over eating and media. If I keep my
energy low I don't need to deal
with flare up. I am not powerful,
but it's easier to cope with
reality without much power. Now I
am stepping back into my power,
and I remember the flare
up. Gathering energy is not
difficult, it's to sustain that
energy that is hard. Emotions are
more intense, events tends to
become more colorful. People
react more to you, negatively and
positively. I need more awareness
to see these things coming and
preemptively manage the
situation. I can no longer wander
like a fool in reality, floating
around without much energy.

Reading Castaneda again reminds
me of my high school, a time of
getting more exciting about the
spiritual power ones could
develop. I find his book to be
quite inspiring in that
domain. His dream book was really
instrumental for my own
practices. Being alone and
forgotten is also part of the
Shaman way. I see it now like a
way to accumulate enough energy
without the external distraction
of social life.

A gentle snow is falling
outside. I feel well rested, I
stayed in bed until 10:30. That's
one positive point of my
daughter traveling. I don't need
to wake up at 6:30 every morning
for the first ferry. She also
tend to go to bed late, or later
then I would personally, for no
reason. I mean I can stay all
night if we're partying, but day
to day I'd rather go to bed
early, when there is nothing more
to do!