Restful weekend.

I found a nice recipe for a skin
care product. Castor oil, rose hips
and rosemary, I'll go harvest some
rose hips this week, it's the
perfect season for that. I don't
have dried rosemary, so next time
I go in town I'll purchase some
fresh organic branches. Something
to consider growing this
summer. I like the idea of
growing lots of herbs, but it's
almost late to start from seeds. 

The rose hips give you vitamin e
and vitamin c, while the rosemary
help with the absorption of
collagen and the castor oil has
this nourishing property, which
the exact name escape my mind at
the moment. I've been using
castor oil for a while now,
mostly for my leg healing, but
generally speaking it's a
powerful oil. I am not sure if
I'll mix this with a lighter oil,
like olive oil, or almond, or
even use some shea butter to make
it fluffy. I think I'll keep it
simple for this round. 

I used a massage stone to apply
the oil. I have a nice collection
and I've chosen a small one for
my face a few weeks ago. Similar
to the Chinese Jade facial
massage tool, but Canadian
mountain style. These stone
actually come form Haida Gwail, a
volcanic island in the north
western of BC. I haven't done
much skin care in my life, but it
feels like a good time to
start. It feels also pretty good,
and it's a field I haven't dwell
into much. A bit of self love! 

I've rested a lot. Didn't do
much, watched TV, but only Buffy
the Vampire Slayer. I say 'only'
because I felt like this wasn't
"triggering" me like the news, or
social media, or youtube
shorts. It was numbing, yet not
making me feel like I'm becoming
stupid. Shows like Modern
Families or The Office, really
irritates me, as if the show
itself was attacking my conscious
mind. There is something about
these slow burn comedies, where
nothing happens, which feels
somewhat damaging for my brain.

I felt like the magic mushroom
had a good effect on me. Just
over the micro dose level, seems
to have put a smile on my face.

I went to play tabla at the
ashram yesterday night. This week
I was less 'scared' of people.
Last time I was there, I felt the
pressure of being in front of an
audience. Yesterday I felt pretty
relaxed, and the music playing
was fun. The president of the
ashram was talking about few
points I've been writing about,
the power of choice, what do we
want to create with our energy,
evolution and how it take many
lifetimes.

I realized how the power of
choice changes as we evolve. At
first it feels like you are
changing your life completely, to
then realize that there is a
path, there is somewhat of a
dharma, and you can't really
change where you are going, but
you can change how you are
getting there. So when talking
or teaching about the power of
choice, I have to talk about it
for the people who are listening.

If you are taking your first step
into a spiritual life, then the
power of choice is really
important and outward facing. You
decide to travel, to go on a
retreat, to leave you job or an
unhealthy relationship. You
decide on focusing on your
practices, your evolution. It
feels like you are in control.

Nowadays, I don't feel in
control. It feels like if I turn
left or right, I'll get to the
same destination, although the
how I'll get there is different.

My liberation or awakening is
what is leading my life, and if I
try to run away from it, then the
lessons are more intense.

But since the lessons are more
intense, the healing effect of
that choice was greater. So if I
run away from what I perceive to
be my liberation, then I might
get there faster. Although maybe
with more bruises, and in jail or
something bad.

From a teaching perspective, it's
hard to share this. A student
would need to have some level of
understanding of reality and a
good grasp on their own life,
before being able to understand
this.

I find myself often sharing with
other people who are on their
path to liberation, to realize
that they don't understand what I
am saying. I was talking to a
friend who is in shamanic
training for many years, and
we were discussing a concept
about good and bad.

I realized that he didn't agree
or understand what I was talking
about. Then my other friend came
to explain that idea but from a
different perspective. Similar to
this power of choice, where at
first it feels really important
to control your own destiny, but
then reality opens up and you
discover a deeper meaning to it
all. At one point I guess you
can't teach anymore with words as
your understand of reality
changed too much as you explore.

To top it off, it feels like I've
always been on my path. There was
no moment that I can remember
where I wasn't seeking,
exploring, questioning or
experimenting with reality. I've
always had 'faith' or lets say
I've always believed there was
something more. And that flame,
that desire to understand reality
from a different perspective has
always been there for me. Which
is great for me, but also makes
it hard to 'teach' or help others
to step into their own journey. I
can't explain how you step into
your own journey because I've
always been on mine.

That's why I've somewhat given up
on 'teaching' in the traditional
sense of having students in a
class setup. But instead, I'm
thinking about 'living' and
through my experiences, and
interaction, I find the people
who are on their journey, or try
to inspire people to get into
their journey. It seems a lot
more potent that way. Finding a
partner that we can both benefit
in our journey to move forward,
and finding a few friends who are
on their journey and that we walk
the path for a while together.

The idea of intimacy comes up
when I think about this. I wonder
if you can be intimate with many
people at once. As I feel that in
intimacy there is a lot of
learning and evolution. I am not
sure I would be able to be
intimate with more than one
person at a time. Maybe two
person, like if we would all
share the same intimacy. I am not
sure why this is coming to me
now.