Now that there is no other to
look at my work, look at my art,
praise me or even just talk about
what I do, I don't feel motivated
to do much.

I used to create to prove my
value. Look at the drawing that I
made, listen to the song I
recorded, let me read you this
poetry. Why would I create if
there is no one to appreciate my
art? Can I create art just for
the fun of it? I'd rather sit and
meditate for some reason, I don't
want to become more. But if I
don't become more, what am I to
the other people around me?

I assume that social media could
replace the presence of the
other. I could post there and
people would like or dislike and
it would motivate me to create
more. I assume some people create
even if there is no one to
look. Some people that can't not
create. Alone on a desert island,
they would still find a way to
create. 

Art is perhaps a social activity.
Without the other, art wouldn't be
created. What about art created
from a divine inspiration? After
a mystical experience, there
might be a desire to express what
happened. Mandalas being drawn
recollecting the dissolution into
consciousness. The painting in a
cave created after being in the
dark for so long it produced
hallucinations.

After 15 years of creating
because there was another human I
could share with, now I don't
know. I don't know what I want to
do, what I want to create. I'm
not playing music anymore, I'm
not drawing much, apart from
tattoos. I don't play the violin
or the flute. Yet when I spend a
few minutes on my synth something
comes out, I create without
difficulty. So it's not that I
can't anymore, it's because no
one is listening.

It reminds me of the first verse
of the Ananda Lahiri, if Shiva is
not in union with Shakti, he
can't even produce a single
Spanda, or vibration. This union
generate the creative energy.
Can I be my own Shiva and Shakti?