Swinging back into more
of a normal life. Yoga
and Karate on Tuesday,
had a sauna with friend
on Wednesday. Thursday
improv with the theater
troupe, Friday Karate,
and hopefully some synth
jamming at night. Saturday,
there is a dance party,
Sunday I fiddle in the
afternoon, and then some
bhajan singing in the
evening. It all feels more
connected, more human.
A shift, a drift in a
calmer reality. 

I remember that everything
I do can lead to my healing,
or my dying. Breathing,
eating, relaxing... Can I
choose health?

What is driving my life?

The thin veil between
my desires and what happens
in my life is getting blurry.
I can't deny the events
happening are born from my
mind, or am I simply listening?
Am I simply following a thread
which I have no idea where
it leads me?

Judgment leads to tension,
tension leads to constriction,
irritation, infections....
Suspending judgment and the
seed of illness is gone.
But to not judge, I have
to give up a lot of what
we have created socially.
I can't hold on to what
is supposed to be a decent
human being.

Life proposed situations
completely random and strange.
I can live them and be okay,
or decide to put myself as
the only culprit in this
reality. But I know, playing
the victim is never the
right path. How can't
I be the victim if I am
not in control? How to
let go of control and
be empowered. How can I
not judge what happen in
my life, and feel like
I am to blame for it?

It's a strange mind
puzzle. What is created,
what is mine? How is my
mind affecting life, and
how is my life affecting
who I am?