Yesterday's cold night
turned this morning into
a crisp sunny day.
As the sun warms up the
snow capped mountains on
the other side of the lake,
I feel very good.

It all started with the
realization of what is
mine and what isn't.
This concept completely
change my perception of
reality, and since then
so many changes happened.

The family constellation
came topping up that
transformation, informing
the generational healing
that was needed. 

My energy levels are up,
I sleep well, I dream a
lot, I have little to no
anxiety. I walk more,
started rope skipping
again. I wonder how much
it has to do with her?
I wonder how long that
good mood will last?

I see that I have now
the tools to nip the
anxiety in the bud. It's
a physical sensation that
I am really aware of.
It's something I felt
my whole life. Like
sensing when a cold is
coming, at the back of
my nose. I used to know
that I was getting sick
and didn't have the tools
to not be sick. Interestingly
last week, my daughter was
sick, and I felt the virus
at the back of my nose,
as it always happen.
But this time, I use
Happe, and it cleaned
up everything, and I
didn't get sick.

Now I can do that with
my emotions and anxiety.
This sensation in my
stomach, this feeling
that I don't deserve,
I can feel when it's
starting. Then it grows
and fill up my mind,
fill up my day.

But now I don't need
to let it grow.

"This is not mine".

Although it sounds simple,
it's very efficient. As
I've done my work, for
the last 20+ years, of
self reflection and
cleaning up my emotional
connections, I know,
I really know, this is
not mine.

It's so true that a part
of me is sad. Sad of
letting go of what I
have been for so many
years. This scared boy,
who feels he doesn't
deserve, who is not worthy
of having a great life. 
And it affect every part
of who I was. Now I work
better, I party better,
I create better, I even
fuck better.

It's weird. 

But I like it!