"I've been run over by a bus,
have you been hit by a car?"

"Yes I've been hit by a car, what
about you?"

"No I didn't get hit by a
car... But I once hit someone
with my car. He actually wanted
to kill himself, so he jump in
front of my car. It was awful."

Poor Mike, he really needed to
share about this traumatic
event. We were simply trying to
find something uncommon we had in
common in our small group of 3.

I started the day a bit
nervous. I felt like I'd be judge
by women my age. Was that coming
from my ex-wife? I am not sure. I
don't feel 'mature', I've always
felt like a kid my whole
life. Maybe I've never accepted
to be an adult, or maybe I've
never given up being silly?

I trimmed my beard the day
before, but I showered that
morning. I didn't want to be too
clean cut, setting the
expectation too high. I'm far
from a clean freak. As I was
preparing, I have a feeling that
I'll meet Mary Jane on the
ferry. I wondered if I should
bring some drugs, but I brushed
the idea away. Why would I do
that? Maybe if I meet someone and
we go party? Should I bring
cocaine?

I didn't think anything would
happen so I didn't bring any
drugs with me. I worked a bit,
clean up the house a bit more,
then drove to the ferry a bit
early, to grab a coffee
there. Maybe I can announce to
the cute barista that I'm going
to a single event, cause I'm so
single now.

I showed up at the coffee shop,
at the same time my Argentinian
friend drove in with his old
classic Mercedes. I feel cool to
greet him. We get coffee, the
barista in question isn't
there. We talk for a while. He
shared about his 'friend,' a
Chinese rich lady from Vancouver,
wondering about his relationship.
I told him we should hang out
someday. He agrees, but add that
he's not doing drug. Maybe a bit
of weed, but that's it. As if I
was a bad influence on him about
drugs.

I go back to my car, a bit too
early for his own timing. Drive
in and park next to Mary Jane. I
knew I would see her here. I
knock at her window, with a smile
she comes out. She though about
me today. I told her I knew I
would see her. She needs shroom
and wonder if I had some on me.
I though I should bring some!

But maybe? We went partying last
week, and I haven't emptied the
car. I look around and found my
bag of drugs. Another friend, a
musician who used to date Mary
Jane, joined in and we went
inside the ferry to chat.

I feel observe as I bag the drugs
for her. We talk about AI taking
our jobs, and us happily moving
away to work that is more
meaningful. I see my friend happy
to sit next to Mary Jane. I am
more focus on the drugs than the
conversation. I try to fold some
paper envelop and try to
guestimate quantities.

We get off the ferry and I drive
toward Nelson. I wonder about
drugs and why I always some on me
most of the time. I don't take
much drugs, and I guess that's
why it accumulate. A few friends
commented how weird it was that I
could just have all these
substances at home and just not
doing them.

I sometime even throw everything
in the compost once in a while.

I get to town and I am too early
for the singler mingler. I drive
by the car wash and think that it
could be a good idea to clean the
car. I debate, I don't want to
look too clean for the event.

I end up at the grocery store. I
want to get Masa Harina, to make
my own taco. I've been eating a
lot of tacos these days, and I
wondered if I made my own how
much cheaper it would get. I like
eating simple and cheap. Dried
beans, corn flours, salsa, brick
of cheese, eggs, all very simple
ingredient. I grab a bit
container of oil, some liquid
soap, a brick of cheese.

The cashier, who seems new and
young, named Isis, looked and
smiled at me.

"Hi Isis"

She smile, happy to hear her
name. Total of $120 for a small
box of food.

"Just like that right?"

She laugh, look at what I
bought. We start explaining how
what I purchase will last for a
long time.

"Oil for at least a couple month"

"And toothpaste, how long does a
toothpaste tube last for?"

"I don't know, do you brush your
teeth often Isis?"

"I do, everyday!"

With a gentle smile we part
way. The customer after me seemed
a bit puzzled by our proximity.

I still have a lot of time before
the event, so I decide to go for
the car wash. I drive down, and
see a young Indian couple talking
to an old man with a weird red
face. I wonder if the old man is
complaining about the service he
got. But then realized that he's
the owner of the car wash, and
the young couple are the one
complaining.

Car wash are a scam to start
with, I wonder who in their right
mind would complain about it. In
business is called sunk cost,
just take the hit and never come
back.

I wait in line for my spot, get
the car clean. Wonder about how
many liters of water I just
wasted. $18 total cost, 100
liters of drinkable water, soap
and detergent in the system. It's
such a white trash activity. At
home I'd use one bucket of water
to clean my whole car, with
little dish soap.

Now I have a clean car. I'll be
more respected with other
humans. I've moved up one layer
of respect. I'm normal again. I
have to admit after last weekend,
with the rave in the wood, the
car was deeply dirty.

I drive to the event, still 20
minutes before the door opens. I
park a little further, near the
lake and decide to walk for a
bit. 'Private Property' block my
way, so I walk a few feet further
and go down to the beach. "Sue
me" I think while walking down.

There are tree trunk on the
beach, that has been washed by
the lake and the sun. It's
strange to see float wood still
with their roots in the ground. I
walk around, and come to the end
of the beach. There was an old
bridge there before, and I go up
the first part of the bridge.

A cement structure, with some
graffitti on it. A nice place to
jump in the lake as it seems
fairly deep. I sit there for a
moment, wondering about the
current. While getting back to my
car, I feel something humid
landing on me. I look, some bird
poo on my pants. I don't
understand the angle at which the
poop landed on my. It wasn't from
above.

I look and an eagle is perched on
a pole. It looks at me as if it
knew it shitted on me. "What the
fuck is your problem?" The white
pooped contrasted on my dark
pants. Clean black pants I've put
on specially this morning.

I got to the event. A bit
nervous. I get handed a piece of
paper with facts, question that I
can go around asking people, in a
sort of Bingo style grid. I look
around. I am not really looking
for someone. I am unsure what I
am doing there. I meet my friend
who've organized the event. She
seems really happy to see me.

She put on the grid the question
"Have you done Thai Massage"
knowing that I was coming. We've
been developing a fun friendship
over the last year. Seeing each
other a many interesting events.

We sit down in a circle, there
are around 50 of us, equally
divided in male and female. I am
not sure if there are gay people
in the crowd. I would assume
so. I see a young woman. Wearing
a hat, with more make up. Is she
cute or it's simply because she
is younger? Everyone is over 30,
single and looking, so I'm not
dwelling on that question for too
long. 

We play some games, dance,
talk. I hang out with women
older, younger, or the same age
as me. I make contact with
another Quebecer, we connect
right away. I like her already,
but I am not attracted to her
physically. As we connect to each
other in different ways, a circle
of interest start to build. A
young one, a Quebecer, a wise
European woman, probably around
my age, and another woman I find
pretty when I look at her from
the front, but not from the side.
She has a very bad posture.

We finish by standing and staring
in each other's eyes for a
minute. The younger one reach for
me, as we switch one more
time. We look into each other's
eye. We smile. I got aroused very
lightly. I am surprised. I have
often done meditation where you
stare in someone's else eyes many
time over the last 25 years. It's
the first time I felt sometime
sexual coming out of it.

The minute is over, and she bring
her hand in a prayer to close the
session. I open my arm to
indicate I'd rather go for a
hug. She smile and agree to the
hug. She has a small, although
wide chest, and our heart align
nicely. It feels comfortable to
have our chests together for a
moment. The sensation eclipse
everything that is happening
around. We stay in the hug for a
moment, a bit longer than a
normal hug. I caress her shoulder
subtly with a finger. We part
way. The bell rings, it's the end
of the event.

We go sit in circle again. My
friend come to sit next to me. I
joke around, while she chat. I
take a moment to write the four
names of the women I had a good
time with. I wonder about
inviting one for diner, as I'll
have to take the later ferry and
have a bit of time in town.

If I do invite one of them, and
then she said no, then the other
women will see that, and they'll
feel like second choice. So...
might has well not make a move
at all, and later share my list
to the organizer and if there is
a match then I'll be contacted.

I decided on that, playing the
game to the end. This kind of
speed dating system, and went to
leave. I saw there were pitcher
of water with mint in them, I
went for a glass of water. On my
way out, I saw her one more time:

"It was nice to meet you!"

We hugged again. It was the same
feeling, our chests connecting.
It felt sweet. We parted, with a
side eye grin. We knew we liked
that, we didn't need to say more
or exchange contact.

I drove home, went for taco at
the same place I go after
boxing. I saw a stunningly
beautiful young woman, with a
rough looking older man. I'd want
a girlfriend like that. She
looked at me, we smiled at each
other. I started writing, about
my dream from last night, about
what just happened, about my day.

I couldn't fall asleep last
night. I was bathing in a nice
energy. It felt pretty good.

I wonder today if I should even
send any names in. If I don't
send any names, then it's the end
of the adventure. It was nice and
enjoyable and nothing has to come
out of it. If I send some name,
then it creates expectation. It's
also create judgment, what if no
one write my name. How will it
feels if that happens. I'm sorry
there was no match for you.
The fear of rejection, mixed with
the fact that I don't really have
much time for a romantic
relationship, that I am not
really interested in a romantic
relationship, all blend into the
question about sending these four
names:

Forest
Casper
Deva
Daniki