Thank you
I deeply care about you
I need to let you go

Repeating this to myself, each
time I think about her. She is so
present in my mind, hundreds of
times a day. A quick fix would be
to fall in love with someone
else, but I also don't want that,
I want to spend time with myself.
It's a strange, uncomfortable
place to be. An in-between, lacking
closure, lacking direction...

I play in my head what it will
look like when I'll see her
again, what will I say if I talk
to her again, what would it feel
like if she would hug me. I want
to forget it all, I want it all
back. The whole story is slowly
fading, feeling more and more
unreal, but my solitude, this
void, enables even the smallest
emotion to rise to the surface.

             -0-

My abs are sore. That's a new
feeling. I've managed to do 100
push-ups yesterday, and probably
around 50 sit-ups, around 75
squat. But I haven't had sore abs
for a very long time!

My capacity to train today is
quite hampered, which is a good
sign, I probably should rest and
focus on cardio instead. Planning
to hike up the mountain later
today.

As much as I worked through a lot
of tasks yesterday, today feels
slow and unmotivated. Maybe
computer work is similar to
physical training, I need to rest
in between strong pushes. I am
not forcing it, I'd rather go for
a hike in the mountain.