Solstice 2025

A rainy new moon around
the soltice makes for a
very long night.

My dreams are gentle.
I had a few nightmares
a couple weeks ago, when
we first used a mugworth
smudge stick. But that has
receded. 

I am somewhat back to
a stage of void, but
this time around it's
a lot gentler. My energy
is really calm, after
some storms of worries.
The family constellation
really unlock some deep
emotional burdens. 

I am unsure about my
emotional state too.
I enjoy the presence
of the other, but I
don't need it. It's a
strange feeling, which
I like, but wonder if
I am lacking passion?

Should I act differently?
Should I judge how I am?

I miss my journal, I
haven't got myself a
new one since I finished
the last one. I feel like
what I write in my journal
can almost by a liability,
I censor my words as if
they could be read by
anyone. This render my
reflection into a publicly
available write up.

I stopped writing for the
newspaper a while back. I
couldn't help but felt that the
whole community was reading
and judging what I was writing.
I would censor myself to be
politically correct for the
region. Even on this gopher,
I censor my reflection.

Writing and burning
has been the only true
way to let my expressive
self live for a moment.

What do I want for this new phase?
For the return of the light?

I continue to release
my past. This year I bought
new Christmas decoration,
as I burnt and gave everything
Christmassy last year. It
is refreshing to not use
something from my past relation.

I look at the 'stuff' I
have lately with this in
mind. Does it remind me of
my previous relation?
Then let it go.

With this new cycle, I'm
cultivating the Random Rituals.
Every moment can be a ritual.

Last week, I drove to town.
On the ferry ride, I used
Happe, settled in comfortably
in my car, and played Ritual
by John Hopkins. I meditated,
sang some mantra and had a
profound experience of the
ferry ride. Every moment
can be a ritual.

From this new cycle, I want
more time drawing, more time
playing music, more time
dreaming and relaxing. A
continued effort in lightening
the stuff. I probably can get
rid of one bin of stuff a week.
I'll setup a bin in my storage
and fill it up as I go around. 

I gave myself until June, maybe
to the solstice, to only keep
what I love, what I use, what
I want to carry around. But it's
proven to be one of the most
difficult task. I envy my ex,
who simply left, bringing with
her just what she wanted, what
she needed. How can I transform
this into a ritual?