rise festival 2035

A little bit about Rise.

Rise is a festival that was born from
the healing path of Laurita, who is
a cancer survivor. She weaved many of
the modalities that she explored during
her healing process. From yoga, breathing,
dancing, massages, the festival is
centered around a fun healing journey.

I went to Rise last year, which was
quite strange as I was still in my
separation stage with my ex. I still
connected with them, and helped them
with their website and ticket sales,
so we were invited to the festival,
my and my daughter for free and the
meals were also paid! 

---

Rainbow gatherings were my first
exploration of community party
when I was 14 years old.
It was a strange mix of love,
sex, drugs and being held in a
community.

Rise festival reminded me of
that feeling, which brought about
many different emotions and feeling.
There was not as much drug and
sex, but there was a lot of love,
community and dancing. 

Road trip

We left for a road trip, last
week, and decided to split the
travel over in 2 days. It's only
a 5 hours drive but might as well
cut it in two and have a night at our
friends house. They welcomed us,
as they often do with a good meal,
and a party. We were the only
one there but stage was already
setup as they are preparing
for a party next week. We ate,
danced and got a bit drunk.

Our friends live on a piece
of land, off grid, and often
organize festival there. It's
a very fun place to be, and
they are quite profound people
to chat with and hang out. 

Next day we drove in town to
purchase some festival clothing,
got myself a kimono style
vest and had a quick breakfast
and finally arrived to Rise.

Landing

It was a strange first taste.
In a sense, we're all misfit
who all fit together for a few
days. But landing there we felt
like outside. I think we all felt
like that, and there was an
unease that could be felt throughout
the festival. My daughter wanted
to leave on the first night, but
I told her to wait a bit, it'll
get more fun.

There wasn't any dancing on the
first night, as we were setting
up the ground. I setup my tent
where I would do Thai-Massage,
went to bed early, and prep
for the next day.

Me and the other women

One strong element that came to
me was that sensation of wanting
to be desired or loved by someone.
Or was it that competitive element
between men to flirt with the
most beautiful woman at the festival?
It was strange, this is the first
festival I participate since I
am single, and there were a lot
of beautiful women. At the same
time I didn't want to be part
of that rat race of who gets who
and who end up alone.

For the last 15 years I didn't
have to think about this. I was
in a couple and didn't need to
'chase' or play the game. It felt
uncomfortable at first. Some women
wanted the attention, some men
wanted to give that attention.
I didn't know what to do.

I met a woman, called Alexandria,
and her look really attracted me.
Not from a typical beauty standard
but from somewhere else. I don't know
what the attraction was about,
and I wondered if she wanted to
be seen, if she wanted me to
be attracted to her.

I want to understand what is
attracting me and what I am
looking for. I liked my peace
of mind when I was in a couple.
I didn't have to prove anything
to anyone. Can I continue like
this? I decided to deepen the
connection with Alexandria, I
went to talk to her, offered
her a massage, and connected
a bit to see what was behind
that. I don't trust my attraction,
I sometime think that maybe I'm
attracted to the broken people
because it might be easier?
I judge my attraction, am I
being a predator hunting the
weaker ones? I have no idea really
what is going on, but I know that
often when I judge myself like
this, it's far from the truth. 

Before I could give her a massage,
I was massaging other people. I
was offering Thai Massage during
the festival and did over 10 massage
over 3 days. But what came to me
was that I am a healer, and the
attraction I feel toward some
people is sometime rooted in the
need for healing. Is it my healing?
Or their healing? Or a mutual healing?

I know that attraction has many
layers. I learned trough my experience
that I can be attracted to someone
for many different reason. Sometime
it's simply to lead me toward a new
path, sometime it's for healing,
sometime it's for spiritual evolution,
sometime it's simply sexual, and
other times it's to find a friend.
I feel that we don't talk enough
about all these attraction and
we often simply default to sexuality
when we feel attracted to someone.
I keep that in the back of my
mind when I approach someone
that I feel attracted to.

The friendly feeling was mutual
between me and Alexandria. It
felt quite natural to talk to her,
to be close to her, to hug her.
I liked her style and her freedom,
her warmth and her passion. 

When I gave Alexandria the massage,
her body and mind melted into me.
She completely let go and received
fully. Of all the massage I offered,
she was the one who received the most.

She shared some details about what
was going on for her and how this
was helping her getting over some
of her stuff. It was really nice
and I felt that the attraction I
had toward her was more aligned
with that healing, then maybe an
emotional attraction. I am not
sure really what was going on,
but I want to continue understand
this. I kept her contact, and
I hope this can become a good friendship.

Later on the dance floor, I met a
women called Amanda. A beautiful blond
woman who dance as she was having
so much fun which attracted me.
There was another attraction, but
this time it didn't feel like it
was a pull for healing, but it
was exciting me. Not so sexually,
but more on the pleasure level.
I could see how much fun it would
be, well yes, to make love to her,
but just in general. She was a mom
of a young boy, which felt good to
be attracted to another parent.

I talked with her a few times during
the festival, I didn't know how to
approach her to connect further. But
at the same time I feel she saw my
approach but was also not into a
quick flirt. It was clear she wasn't
into just a hook up, but at the same
time she was open for something
more serious. It was nice to see
the difference, to understand it
and respect that. I hope I have the
chance to see her again and see if
there is more to this.

This attraction was really different,
more wholesome, more relaxed, and I
guess more mature. It started with
me seeing her dancing. But then I
saw her again and again. It felt
like she was putting herself in my
field of vision. Maybe not. I don't
know if I was forward enough in my
reaching out for her. 

There were a lot of beautiful women
at the festival, and I was navigating
what I can offer, and what I don't
want to offer. Some people just want
the attention, they need the validation
that they are beautiful. They grab your
attention and play the game, offer a
bit in return, but the most important
is their validation. I don't want to
play that game really, even if I am
quite starved for validation myself. 

Kizumba dancing

Apart from my emotional life taking
the main stage in the festival, I
had a lot of fun. There were some
dance classes happening, which left
me falling in love with a new style
of activity. I loved the proximity,
the rhythm, the movement, and hopefully
I can continue to learn. After so
many years of martial art, yoga,
massage, music, I feel like learning
a form of social dance is really
aligned with where I want to go.

I went to 2 classes, the first one
I was quite unsure of the whole
process. Alexandria was there,
and we danced together for a
moment. I didn't know what I
was doing and it felt a bit awkward.

The second night, I was on the
dance floor and Alexandria asked
my if the Kizumba was going on.
I didn't know, but then I went
back to my tent to get some water
and on my way back I saw the dance
was going on. I was sure if Alexandria
was actually inviting me?

I went for the dance lesson, but
I was late, so I started to dance
with the teacher. She was a beautiful
woman, with a lot of dance experience.
It's a very sensual dance and she
pull me into her body to be very
close. It was really nice to be
so close to someone without it
being sexual. It reminded me of
the proximity of massage, but
standing, and with some music
and rhythm. We danced for a bit,
and then changed partner a few
time, learning new moves.

It was really sweet and powerful
and left me with a feeling of relaxation
and connection at the same time.

I've massaged so many people which
helped me connect really deeply.
There was so much healing for
everyone and I felt quite transformed
by this event. My daughter and I
kept on talking about how great
everyone were and how deep
every conversations were. 

I've met so many more people,
and had so many more powerful
experience, but at this point
I feel like I am really focused
on my emotional life! I'm really
excited to continue to help this
festival grow and transform.