Strange day yesterday.

Flat tire, again. Kind of lost my
wallet, but not really. Drove in
town to get my tires changed.

Browsed around for tattoo books,
but ended up buying a book about
Wicca and another weird symbols,
modern mandala, based on Cabal,
Tarot, Astronomy and making magic
squares. A technique to draw
shapes imbued with magic powers.

Exactly what I was looking
for, inspiration for tattoos. The
Wicca book also had a Runic
yantra for protection in it, and
how to make your own. 
Tattoos are not only body
decoration but have been used for
social standing, for healing, and
I assume, to confer some power
and protection. One of the first
tattoo request I had was for a
witches knot, for protection. 

The women in the bookstore had a
t-shirt with a 'Street Fighter'
inspired video game art, with
characters from Monthy Python Holy
Grail. Quite the mash-up, I
couldn't help but talk about
it. I went to a coffee shop where
I saw a cute tattooed girl.
She was with 2 tattooed guys.
I almost ordered a lunch there,
but a friend of mine was in town,
saw me and texted me to come and
join them.

He's the magic mushroom synth jam
musician. We missed this full
moon as there was no power, and
wanted to jam and shroom on
Thursday. But that's my holy
boxing day, so I can't. 

I bought some specialized tools
for cleaning up my ceiling.
Something I never though
I would ever be able to do.
My ceiling was just getting
dirtier and dirtier, I was
passively accepting that it was
outside my power to do anything
about it.

To be fair, it's a 24 feet high
ceiling. Made of wood and beams.
It's the perfect cobweb party
there. And since I'm using a
wood stove, you have this extra
stuff sticking to the cobweb.
Making the whole thing a freaking
nightmare.

A friend of mine run a cleaning
business and she did clean the
ceiling many years ago. I was
ready to hire her, but her
schedule is full until August.

Fuck it, I sure can clean a house
if I need to. So I did. I bought
the proper tools to do the job,
and yesterday I was too excited
to not try, and started to clean
the windows, the ceiling, the
wall, the beams.

I got a 16 feet extensible pole,
with different 'heads'. A cob web
brush (it's really name like
that) a duster head, a window
cleaning head, and a squeegie
thing to wipe the windows.
A full pro kit for just under
200$.

It feels silly to be so excited
about this, but I realized that
many years ago, we decided to
give up. We couldn't be the one
cleaning this house. Today I
realized that this is not my
style. Why would I think that?
Even as a kid I knew I could do
everything.

I had that saying:

"Everything I see is built by
human. I am human, I can built
everything I see"

That sentence came to me one day
and became part of who I was. I
can do anything, end of the
story. No fame, no pride, just
the fact that I can do
everything.

Then why couldn't I clean my
house?

That's when I realized a pattern
that my ex-wife had. If you can't
do it, then you are not
responsible to do it. She was
really good at that. She couldn't
chop wood, so it wasn't her
problem. She couldn't remove or
set the mouse trap, so it wasn't
her problem. She couldn't do
plumbing, so she wasn't
responsible for that. And the
list went on, for a long time.

And for some reason, I accepted
some of these. One being, we
can't clean our ceiling, it's too
hard. I have to say that cleaning
my ceiling, as silly as it
sounds, was quite a liberation.
Remembering my own wisdom that I
can do everything. And it wasn't
that difficult or challenging, it
was actually quite easy and
enjoyable.

It makes me reflect on that
mindset of not being able to do
things. My ex-wife family was
partisan of that way of thinking.
I call this the small people, who
don't think they can do anything
with their life. Being a store
clerk, and complaining about it,
their whole life. But at the same
time being defeated to do
anything greater in their life
time.

I remember as a kid being annoyed
by that way of thinking. You are
human, you can do anything. There
isn't a major difference between
the Pope, the Superstar and the
homeless beggar in the street. We
all have the same potential, the
limitation are self created.

It really clarify the difference
between my thinking and my
ex-wife thinking and how I gave
in at one point. It's nice to get
back into my way of thinking and
letting go of these limitations.
Who would have thought that
cleaning my ceiling could be so
enlightening. I see some cobweb
still dangling though... I need
to get back to cleaning!