Recuring dream
that I miss my
flight

That gut sensation
of missing out
the stess
the self loathing

What am I not seeing?

I miss her

I try to fill my days
see people, do things

Work at the ashram
in the morning
A beautiful woman
opens the door
smile, ask if
it's okay to vaccum

I see other women
in the dining room
I can't help
but sensing
the desire
to be accepted
to be loved

We all need
to be loved
It's a rare
resource and
we're all
lacking it

I'm a father
figure for some
The archetype of
the son for others
The possible
boyfriend...

I drive through
the mountains
to get a massage
from a woman
that I once told
I was interested

Not anymore,
for some reason
We hug, a couple times
do I sense
something?

I leave her
studio, and I
feel something
is missing
Am I missing out?

I go  for food,
a cheap Korean
restaurant

The daughter of
the owner greets me.
The waitress, a young
teenager with a lot
of acne.

I order shoju,
but it's yogurt
flavored, too sweet
and strange.
The owner appologize

My daughter call
she want me to bring
her shorts, but
don't really want
to hang out.
Lunch maybe?
She will see some
friend and might
not have time
for me. 

The food is cold,
but I wanted to
kill some time
so I'd be on time
for the dance

On my way back, I get
a bottle of
mescal at the
gas station
A strange
place to find
such a bottle

I show up at
the dance. A
few more women
there, and a
friend, who's
mixing.

The sound is thin,
I complain in my
head, and finally
give in to the music.

I dance for a while,
my mind is calm.

I drive to a friend
jam for a moment,
smoke, dink, chat.
The room is unfinished
and I sit at one end
wires all over the
floor, weed fills
the air.  Only men
are playing.

I grab the jimbe,
my rhythm is good
tonight. I enjoy
playing and it brings
other into the jam.

I offer a round of
mescal. Everyone
accept without
question

I leave the place
a bit of sadness.
I start the car,
stop in the middle
of the road, I text
her

miss you

I drive home
prepare for
the next day
Wash my Karate
Gi, I feel like
writing, but I'm
too tired

This morning
I feel alone
I pack my karate
gear and my daughter's
short, and finally
take some time
to write

Soon I'll be bathing
in a gym filled of
hundreds of parents
cheering for their
kids. I'll be there
alone, dress in white
helping the kids
to win medals.