My ceremonial coffee and laptop
on the patio. The air is smoky,
the sky has been covered for many
days. There aren't too many local
wild fire, but still the smoke
reached our lake. 

Lee has been visiting since
Monday. She seems to like the
energy around the house. From
music and dj'ing to tattoo talk
and evolution. We traded
treatment yesterday again, last
time was at Julie-Ann a few weeks
ago. It wasn't as powerful as
last time, but it did
re-calibrate my awareness of the
other. I undulate between craving
and hiding from carnal pleasure,
and a clear message came in, what
about staying in the middle?

Aware of the other, present, and
seizing the opportunity when it
comes. Not in a state of lust,
nor celibacy, simply aware.

I'm excited and looking forward to
practice that again. The last
time I was able to practice this
it was quite fun and playful.
It even seemed to attract the
others more than usual. Does
presence attract the other?
The souls? Or just the curiosity? 

Lee and I talked more about the
circus, the caravan, the group,
the community. How to evolve and
help each other evolve. My lack
of trust in the concept of good
and bad, which was echoed by
another friend of ours.

What is that all about, people
who don't believe in good and
bad? I've talk to a couple people
who shared that idea in the past.
These people seems more free,
more empowered in their life.
I've opened a book randomly one
day too, which was also
re-affirming the illusion of good
and bad, there is no such thing.

We always end up talking about a
lot of future planing with how
we'll evolve into something
different, Lee and I. Some sort
of collective of healer, sharing
a common goal, sharing land. They moved
to Mexico last year, and invited
me repeatedly. I really want to
go there, but there is something
that I need to close here. It
feels like once I'll leave, I
won't come back.

When I left for BC, twenty-five
year ago, I prepared for a long
time. Got the perfect bag, the
perfect hammock, the ropes, the
tarp. I learned to sleep in my
hammock, cook in my tin can
stove, eat in my bowl with
chopstick, sprouts on the top of
the bag. I loved the preparation,
and when I left, everything
worked. I stayed a couple days at
my dad, in the forest, setup camp
there for a few nights. Learned
to sleep in complete darkness,
around the bears.

I feel like I'm preparing for
something similar right now.
The goal isn't as clear though.
But the steps to get there are
very simple.

Lee likes the idea of the
geodesic dmt-dome temple. She thinks
I should ship it to Mexico when I
come. It's easy to build but she
said it's not easy to get
material down there. It opens the
door for even more exploration.

She is leaving tomorrow, back to
camp, cooking for geologist
exploring the land for gold.
There is a lot of action in the
mining industry lately. There
will be a lot of mining in
Canada. Primary resource
extraction country, Canada is
really not what is tries to show
off. We're a lot closer to a
third-world country, but with
more money. We are deeply
colonized, without a sense of
belonging.

The land of the lost souls,
aimless, blinded, without much
pride in our country. Afraid to
be someone, mildly educated, just
enough to feel shameful to be
white. Without culture or
reliance on family or religion.
Yet there is potential in that
freedom, but it's also really
easy to manipulate such people.

A damned fine colony. 

It's hard to know if such an
environment promote evolution or
numbing of the mind. On one side
when you are not bogged down by
culture or belief system or
family, it offers a blank slate
to create your own life.

I feel like I've benefited from
that freedom. My parent were not
really religious, but not clearly
against it, so I've explored many
religions because of that. Our
family bond weren't too strong,
so I was able to stay myself,
without too much weight on who I
should become. School was easy
for me, so it never really became
something important, just
something you do because everyone
does it. The political and
economical culture made it really
easy for me to start my own
business, live in the middle of
nowhere. Most people are
accepting of my different world
view because they don't have much
to say about anything. The
quantity of nature left in Canada
makes it easy to live close to
nature, compared to a lot of
place in the world. 

The Canadian soil has been perfect
for my own evolution, I've been
grateful for that, even though I
also see the flip side of it.