Difficult time getting to work.
Drinking green tea, might not be
strong enough for the moment.

My body is sore from boxing
yesterday, it's a good feeling. I
want more of that, more of that
physicality. Getting out of my
head, I like the boxing culture,
and when I look myself in the
mirror I look a lot more like a
boxer, than an artist, a computer
geek or a yogi. I'm thrilled to
get back into that world. I wish
I could fight for real, for
once. I feel like I've always
held my punch, I've never given
it all. Yesterday I could give it
all, but only into the bag, not
with someone... I've always curb
my intensity, but not with her.

Brewing coffee now, and taking
the time to write. It's an
important ritual. How long that
loneliness feeling will haunt me.
My overly dramatic mind feels
that it will be forever. If
my calculations are right, I would
only need a few more weeks.

I looked around the dance floor
over the weekend and I saw mostly
normal people with little to no
discipline and passion in their
being. No one really danced, it
was all luke warm melding. A
chubby middle age woman seems to
have a bit more grit, but barely.
I didn't know what I wanted, but
knew what I didn't want.

Looking around the gym yesterday,
my eyes caught a few glances.
People with a bit more intensity,
vitality, rough looking but
aware, analyzing, checking not so
much the look, but other people
powers. It's a shame that we
separate spirituality and intense
training, drugs, sex, partying...

I want it all in one place,
without judgment, simply
evolution of the mind and the
body. Can you imagine a school
where you learn to fight, to
fuck, to take psychedelic, to
massage and tattoo each others,
all in a spiritual / evolution
process. I think you would
progress a lot faster that way!

Maybe I should move to Thailand
for a while, continuing my
training in Thai Boxing and Thai
Massage while also meditating and
checking the local tattoo craft...

A new culture would probably be
refreshing for my mind.