Bright sunny equinox!

The nights are becoming shorter
and I can already see the
difference. Coming out of the
gym, it was still light out.

Training is going well, my cardio
is better, so I can train harder,
but the rest of my body isn't
used to train as hard. I was in
pain the next day.

I like the post training ritual;
mescal and tacos. One of the
waitress there, dark haired,
short bang, rock style, works
that night. I'm not really
flirting with her, but just
enjoying her presence. I find her
attractive and beautiful, why
would I spoil this with some
flirting. I know now that the
fantasy is often better than the
real world. 

Waking up this morning, I wish
there was a girl next to me. I'm
torn between wanting to be with
someone and wanting to be with myself.
I haven't made my mind yet, and
weekend after weekend I get
teased into wanting someone.

If anything I want something
really simple, but sex tend to
not be so simple. Relationship
takes times, and I live in the
middle of nowhere. To add to the
mix, it feels like when I start
to think about a commitment to
myself, life tease me with some
possibilities. Testing my
conviction I guess? Right now I
have little interest in my own
reality, I want to be dissolved
in someone else reality. At the
same time I don't find anyone's
reality really exciting. I was
wondering about that, while
sipping on my mescal; have I ever
found someone's reality so
gripping and interesting? There
was this signer from Europe who
was really beautiful and powerful... 

This weekend though, I'm going to
a friend birthday party, and I
know for sure there is no one
that I'll be into. Just friends,
which is a nice feeling. I like
friends, I used to have a quite
nice selection of friends of the
opposite sex.

I would bring one of them for
diner, one of them was for cinema
and theater, one of them for
parties, one of them for massage
and a bit of sex. It was a nice
communal separation of task,
which was fulfilling without a
commitment. This urban soup of
being single and not needing a
steady relationship. Can't really
happen in this rural community.