While dancing, my hand landed
right on her butt, fully open.

I'm so sorry, I said.

She turned to me, seemed unsure
of what I said and replied,

Yes I am sorry my butt is really
wet.

She wanted me to touch her,
although we've never met or talk. 

It was quite the night. I don't
think I was really prepared for
that. I had a really good time,
dancing and meeting new people. I
was probably way too politically
correct in my approach, but I
also didn't want to think
about flirting or making out with
anyone. I just wanted to dance
and get high.

And dance I did, for over 5
hours, 2 small dose of
mdma, 0.1g each time, and then a
0.3g of magic mushroom.

Everything converged really
nicely, and the high was perfect.

I could have made out with a few
people; a cute gay guy who was
dancing with me, a really pretty
Japanese girl who was such a
good dancer, and an Australian girl,
which I boxed with a few day
prior.

But somehow, I didn't want to
have to think about it, about
sex, about another person, human
emotions and attachment. I want
to hang out with my soul a little
longer. 

The tribe of organizer, a mix of
Quebecer, Mexican, East European,
Japaneses, hippy, circus freaks,
psychonautes, ravers, were all
really sweet and good dancers. 
I had such a good time that by
the end of the party, I helped
the whole crew to clean up and
empty the place.

The down of mdma made me feel
alone for a bit. Why didn't I
bring someone back to my motel room?

I'm still conflicted, between
escaping in the arms of a pretty
girl, and cultivating self
love. It feel so much easier to
be distracted, to fall in love,
and not to think about my
stuff. I want to be able to do
both, self love and being in a
relationship.

My tendency to fall in love
easily seems overwhelming for the
other. People don't want to
become the "everything" for their
partner. If I don't really have a
purpose, a define goal in my
life, it's hard for me to not put
all of my energy in my relation.

It's like I'm lost in a desert,
and then I meet someone, and I
have to fake that I know where I
am going, and they could follow
me 'if they wanted.' Playing it
cool even though there is nothing
else in my life, even though I
have no idea where I am going. 

I wonder too, if life is throwing
at my a lot of 'opportunities'
since I've made a commitment to
my soul? It feels like I've seen
a lot of beautiful people in the
last week alone! Or maybe it's
just spring time :D